Praying for healing: Day 35

I have been very encouraged by this quote (from a great sermon) as I fight doubt surrounding my health by purposefully choosing to hope that healing will come: “We usually count victory by confronting and changing circumstances that we’re facing, but God counts victory when you pray again after loss.” Bill Johnson, An Unusual Victory

victorious waiting

©1-4-15 hannah mclean

i wait

i wish i could say with patience, 

but the peace i hold does not come easy 

nor is it due to lack of travail

as i cling to hope

with prayerful hands 

i wait 

my body sliding backwards

my spirit reaching heavenward

and yet 

i am victorious 

in this broken state

because where silence 

echoes back the wail of my heart 

i come again

and bow to pray 

again and again

i lay my head upon the Father's lap 

till His garments soak up my tears 

and His promises steady my shaking shoulders 

with Him i find

that in spite of every step i lose 

i know hope

i wait

i wait on Him to act

for without Him

i have nothing

Praying for Healing: Day 8

simple volumes
©12-8-2014 hannah mclean

sometimes the prayer is simple
spoken with the voice of one
who knows the One to whom she prays
the One who hears the heart before the lips speak
the One who loves with overflowing abundance
the One who holds her body together with
      the same words and hands with which she was created
and so the words are few
yet they speak volumes to the ears to which
they rise

The shortest devotion I will probably ever write.

Romans 5:3b-5 “...We rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.”

Suffering --> endurance --> character --> hope that does not put to shame
therefore
suffering --> hope that does not put to shame
and THEREIN is reason to rejoice in our suffering.

God's love...it's the good stuff. :)

Purposing to push past page 1

I got a new book today. I opened it up and couldn’t even get through the first page because it went right over my head. Word after word...I had no idea what I was reading or even how to pronounce half the words. I closed the book, and for a few minutes, I sat there and felt stupid. I’m not used to feeling stupid...yes, I know there are more things I DON’T know than I DO know, but while I am aware that on the scale of knowledge I fall on the short side, I know I am a fairly intelligent person. The first page of this book, for a moment, made me doubt my capacity to understand its contents.

For a moment.

But then I opened my bible to Psalm 19:7–11, a place that always assures me that the Lord is the One who reveals His truth and His mysteries...and that they are worth searching out. 

“The law of the Lord is perfect, converting the soul; The testimony of the Lord is sure, making wise the simple; The statues of the Lord are right, rejoicing the heart; The commandment of the Lord is pure, enlightening the eyes; The fear of the Lord is clean, enduring forever; The judgments of the Lord are true and righteous altogether. More to be desired are they than gold, yea, than much fine gold; Sweeter also than honey and the honeycomb. Moreover by them Your servant is warned, and in keeping them there is great reward.”

As I read this Psalm, I prayed, and as I prayed, I thanked the Lord that I have not once felt stupid when I have read His word...even when I have not understood what I read, even though I have always known there were mysteries encased within that I have not yet even glimpsed, I have NEVER felt as though I fell too short when reading the word of God. Because, like this Psalm says, God is not just for the one who understands what the big words mean, He is also for the simple [that’s me] and for that I am grateful.

Will I open this book again? Yes, I will. It’s a book on eschatology (which I learned means “study of the end times”); diving into biblical history and interpreting the prophecies of scripture. Even in the short conversation with my husband after I prayed, I realized that when he tells me what these big words mean, I know the scripture he is describing, I just don’t know the terms that men have put on them. I will venture back in because I want to know and understand more.

Honestly, this area of learning is sort of scary for me...it forces me to trust someone for truth...I’m not good at doing that. I have been told a LOT of stuff over the years; I have been fed truth twisted by lies, as well as lies concealed under a facade of truth. We also live in an age of information where we are bombarded with people’s thoughts and opinions. Over the last 11 years I have spent hours and hours in scripture as the Lord has sifted my theology, blowing away the sand so that my feet rest on a solid, immovable Rock. The Bible is my measuring stick...if thoughts, opinions or musings don’t align with it, they are wrong. I don’t want thoughts, opinions and musings, I want TRUTH. But when it comes to eschatology, I can’t find what I need to learn inside the pages of Scripture, I have to trust someone for that information. And for me, that is scary. I am grateful for the Spirit inside me Who will be faithful to help me discern, and for godly, seasoned saints who I can trust to direct me to resources to learn from.

So yes, it might take me a while to get past the first pages of this book, but I believe that we are in a time where we must root ourselves as deep in the Truth as we possibly can. We MUST know what we believe and why we believe it and who God is and what the Truth is that we live (and may one day die) for, because there are winds coming that will rail on us and if we are not rooted, we will fall. 

“Seek the Lord while He may be found, call upon Him while He is near...” Isaiah 55:6

“Call to Me, and I will answer you, and show you great and mighty things, which you do not know.” Jeremiah 33:3

Comfort from the book of Isaiah

"O you afflicted one, tossed with tempest, and not comforted, behold, I will lay your stones with colorful gems, and lay your foundations with sapphires. I will make your pinnacles of rubies, your gates of crystal, and all your walls of precious stones.” Isaiah 54:11–12

words to His afflicted
©10-5-14 hannah mclean

o you, My afflicted child,
whom storms have tossed
and whose tired hands 
have failed to find comfort

I have seen you
in your struggles
caught your tears
and heard your fighting gasps

but you must know
with every breath filled with wonder
with pangs and fears you've felt alone
wisdom stood, unseen beside you
while holy hands, unseen, have honed

for you,
My dear afflicted child
you are the temple where I dwell
and it is I who bring your beauty

I have built you, my temple
I have laid beneath your feet
a foundation
that will not shake
on which I’ve fashioned walls
that will not fall
and raised up pinnacles
that will not topple
and I have filled you
with My all

o you, My afflicted child,
whom storms have tossed
and whose tired hands
have failed to find comfort

all is not lost
for if you, with hanging head
would open up your eyes
to look upon your feet
you would see what the pains
of life have borne you

for etched upon your foundations
and climbing up your walls
and set upon your pinnacles
I am covering you,
my beautiful dwelling place,
with precious stones

for you,
My dear afflicted child
you are the temple where I dwell
and it is I who bring your beauty

through and through and through

ascertain
©9-24-14 hannah mclean

You have kept me
You have carried me
You have stayed with me
through 
and through
and through

You did not bend
You did not break
You did not waiver
though I wondered
and wondered 
and wondered

You were always faithful
You were always patient
You were always enough
no matter
no matter 
no matter

and the voice with which
my soul now praises
offers depth anew
and the arms with which
my spirit raises
lift with strength in You
and the knees with which 
my body bends 
have known Your presence true

but had i not laid
in the rubble of life’s devastations
and looked upon the barrenness
of time flown by
i would not now know You
as I now contend You can be known
i would not now praise You
as I now ascertain You should be praised

for from the ashes
of life’s fires
i rise redeemed
untouched by flames
untarnished by smoke
but changed forever
by the One who walked the fiery coals 

with me

discarded discernment

by hannah mclean 9-3-14

my ears listen to
the words that flow
from those who claim
the name of Jesus
the Spirit grits His teeth
within me
fists clenched
as abomination after
abomination fall from lips
profaning Jesus’ name
and the Truth
for which He died

how long
will you lie
amid your opinions and twisted words
Holy Truths halved
and mixed with the man-made

mercenaries under the banner of Christ
fighting His ways
producing mud holes
miles deep and wide
ensnaring those who
fail to seek the Lord Himself
and entrapping them in
what is NOT
lest they venture further into
the realities and beauty of
what IS

do you not see
how quickly all is stolen from you
when you fail to set your eyes
upon the Holy God
and let them rest elsewhere

you do not discern
what others speak to you:
do not blindly trust
the educated theologian
who claims to know the Word
for you
do not blindly walk
in paths others have forged
who claim to follow the Lord
for you
do not blindly speak
the quips and blurbs that fall from
mouths of those
who claim to hear the Lord
for you

God has not left you to be
blind
He has not left you to be
deaf
He has not left you to be
uninformed
it is you that have chosen
to remain there

pick up the Word
open up the Bible
and fill yourself with the Truth
read and study and search
until the living Word
penetrates your soul
and the Spirit within you
springs to life
and nudges your heart
and stirs your mind
creating conviction
and understanding
and belief
so that when lies rage
you are not swayed
that when the rock of Truth is cemented
into the sands of man
you are not quick to
build your house on
what will fail

discern!
discern!
i beg of you
discern!

what good is it for a man
to gain the whole world
but lose his soul?
what good are the palaces of earth
when they forfeit your place
in the kingdom of heaven?
what good is
a gospel without a Savior?
what good is
worship brought by a worshipper who exalts themself?

for in the end
there will be those who say,
“Lord, Lord”
and to whom He will respond,
“I never knew you.”

it is the one
who walks in the will
of the Father
who values the glory of God
over the glory of man
who honors the Lord
who does not deny
the One whom their soul loves

Jesus died
that the scales you choose to
leave upon your eyes
would fall
Jesus died
that the heart of stone you choose to
keep within your chest
would change to flesh
Jesus died
that the sin you choose to
cling to for comfort
would lose its grip on you
if only you would come
if only you would listen
if only you would turn

there is ONE way
ONE Truth
ONE Life
and you do not get to choose
who God is
you only get to choose
whether or not you will bow
to Him
or to man

discern!
i beg you
discern!
for Jesus weeps
at your endless
swaying

--------

Oh saints in Jesus, I exhort you with Revelations 3:11:
"I am coming soon. Hold fast what you have, so that no one may seize your crown."