1 John 4:10,16,18,19
In this is love, not that we have loved God but that He loved us and sent His son to be the propitiation for our sins...So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him...There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear...We love because He first loved us.
“To know and to believe the love that God has for us.”
This phrase struck me pretty hard when I read it today. I had ventured into 1 John 4 to see the passage that contained the phrase, “Perfect love casts out fear,” and found this sentence to be vitally descriptive of how I was brought to the place where I allowed Perfect Love to cast out my fear.
It is one thing to know the love of God...it is another thing all-together to BELIEVE that love for ourselves. I can pray 10,000 prayers for any person with utter confidence of the Lord’s heart for them (no matter where they stand or what they have/haven’t done), I can believe with full assurance for others with ease (no matter the impossibility of the situation). But the Lord brought to my attention a good 8 years ago my hesitation to trust His heart for me.
I’ve been on a strange healing journey over the last 2 years...arguably, it probably started with this moment with the Lord eight years ago: I was reading in John 5 the story of the man at the Pool of Bethesda. I had read it many times before, I had marveled at the interaction the Lord had with him: He had been sick for 38 years, and Jesus walked up to him and asked him, “Do you want to be healed?” Before this time, I had always thought, “What a weird question; OF COURSE he wants to be healed.” But the man doesn’t say, “Yes.” Instead he tells Jesus why it isn’t possible. As I read this story on this particular day, I felt like Jesus stood in front of me, looked me in the eye and said, “Do you want to be healed?”
And I did not say, “Yes.” Even though I wanted to be healed, I hesitated. And as I considered why this was, I had to own up to this fact: While I did not doubt God’s ability to heal me, I doubted His heart for me. An ugly reality I had to face. And folks, I am clearly not a fast learner...it took me SIX years to trust the Lord enough to ask Him to heal me.
I was considering how I got there. What brought me to a place where I knew AND believed the love God has for me? While there are probably a zillion factors that play into this, I am going to tell you what happened to me in this season I am leaving.
My brother Noah died in August of 2012. It was a startling and costly blow to my family and my heart. It cast me into a valley that I trudged through for two long years; many days were spent simply curled up in a heap of sorrow because I had no strength to stand. From the moment of the phone call, I wrapped my arms around the Lord and dug my fingers into His sides; clinging lest I lose my grip on the One thing that I was certain of.
Grief is a complicated beast: You can’t speed it up or slow it down, it just comes as it will and you deal with the waves as they crash into you, wading through the aftermath of your losses. But the Lord was with me, and His gentleness surprised me and overwhelmed me as I encountered it again and again. Because that grip I had when I was thrust onto the path of grief, the embrace that allowed me to feel secure with the Lord, it failed; my fingers were not strong enough and my arms atrophied.
But in a place of utter weakness, where I had nothing within myself to keep me, no strength to hold myself up; no zeal to remain...in THAT place I was kept, I was upheld, I was encompassed in the holistic embrace of the Lord. He was so gentle in my failings, utterly compassionate in the place I lay; He did not condemn me that I had nothing to offer Him, no courage to reach out. Instead, He seized the opportunity of my stillness and chose to display His love for me in a way that I had never known. I simply received it; unmerited, indescribable, surprising and precise affection. And it changed me forever.
And while I am sure it was not the only thing that swayed me in the direction of trust, it is the most vibrant one I see as I ponder my season, and I am overwhelmingly thankful.
“To know and to believe the love that God has for us.” There is such security there. I wish I had the words to tell you.
Thursday, December 1, 2016
Perfect Love Casts Out Fear: Part 1
Changes of seasons lead me to places of introspection; of consideration of the season that is passing to understand what I bring with me into the one I will enter. I really do believe that some of the sweetest times I have with the Lord are as seasons close--no matter how sweet or how bitter--because inevitably when I look, I see His hand, His wisdom, His kindness, His love, His care for me; I see the ways He has honed and shaped and sifted and faithfully worked so meticulously to sanctify and grow me; I see what He has done. And all of this pondering inevitably leads me to sit down and write...the completion of understanding and the springboard to testifying.
So here I am. Sitting in front of a keyboard finally, prepared to put into words why this phrase sums up the last 4 years: “Perfect love casts out fear.”
The Lord brought me a mentor and she has been a great gift to me. One of the things that stands out to me in our conversations is that as she sees me from the outside, she points out things I can’t see...to her, it is vibrantly miraculous when and where I stand without fear.
I was raised in fear; it was pounded into me from the pulpit, it was used to manipulate and control me. I was an easy target, as I wore my emotions on my sleeve and my little heart desired to please. To find and to feed my fears wasn’t difficult, it resulted in me seeking to regain control: Before I knew Jesus, one of the few things I found was able to subdue my fears was to control my environment and do things on your own terms. Fear caused me to control and to distrust.
Then I met Jesus, and I found verses in scripture that told me things like, “Cast my fears upon the Lord for He cares for you,” and “I sought the Lord, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears.” And my life changed. I gave up my need to control my fears and simply threw them at the cross.
And then I walked with Jesus for years, and I found verses in scripture that told me more things like, “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me,” and “The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?...Though an army encamp against me, my heart shall not fear; though war arise against me, yet I will be confident.” And my life changed again. I found that I didn’t need to pick of my fears to cast them, that instead they simply dispelled in the presence of the Lord.
And then I kept walking with Jesus for more years; I walked with Him through season after season; through the losses, the joys, the failures, the triumphs, the pains, the afflictions, the trials, the glories of my life. Day in and day out, He has been with me in my moments and He showed me verses in scripture that said things like, “The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent,” “My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness,” and “I will protect him, because he knows My name.” And my life changed again. I found that there is peace that transcends life’s circumstances, peace that does not give way to the things that should cause me to fear because it stems from a source that is unchanging and unhindered and unswayed by the enormity of my need, the limitations I hold and weaknesses I carry. I have found myself in such a place of security in the hands of the Lord that fear doesn’t arise where it has a thousand times before even if there are a thousand very real reasons to. And though I have always said that I am fearful by nature, I find myself now trying to wrap my mind around the fact that the Lord can change a person’s nature.
I keep finding myself wondering, “Where is my fear?”
I am standing on unfamiliar ground, marveling at what has happened to my heart.
I do not know where my fear has gone, but I DO know that it is the perfect love of the Lord that has cast it out.
-------
1 John 4:10,16,18,19
"In this is love, not that we have loved God but that He loved us and sent His son to be the propitiation for our sins...So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him...There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear...We love because He first loved us."
So here I am. Sitting in front of a keyboard finally, prepared to put into words why this phrase sums up the last 4 years: “Perfect love casts out fear.”
The Lord brought me a mentor and she has been a great gift to me. One of the things that stands out to me in our conversations is that as she sees me from the outside, she points out things I can’t see...to her, it is vibrantly miraculous when and where I stand without fear.
I was raised in fear; it was pounded into me from the pulpit, it was used to manipulate and control me. I was an easy target, as I wore my emotions on my sleeve and my little heart desired to please. To find and to feed my fears wasn’t difficult, it resulted in me seeking to regain control: Before I knew Jesus, one of the few things I found was able to subdue my fears was to control my environment and do things on your own terms. Fear caused me to control and to distrust.
Then I met Jesus, and I found verses in scripture that told me things like, “Cast my fears upon the Lord for He cares for you,” and “I sought the Lord, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears.” And my life changed. I gave up my need to control my fears and simply threw them at the cross.
And then I walked with Jesus for years, and I found verses in scripture that told me more things like, “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me,” and “The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?...Though an army encamp against me, my heart shall not fear; though war arise against me, yet I will be confident.” And my life changed again. I found that I didn’t need to pick of my fears to cast them, that instead they simply dispelled in the presence of the Lord.
And then I kept walking with Jesus for more years; I walked with Him through season after season; through the losses, the joys, the failures, the triumphs, the pains, the afflictions, the trials, the glories of my life. Day in and day out, He has been with me in my moments and He showed me verses in scripture that said things like, “The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent,” “My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness,” and “I will protect him, because he knows My name.” And my life changed again. I found that there is peace that transcends life’s circumstances, peace that does not give way to the things that should cause me to fear because it stems from a source that is unchanging and unhindered and unswayed by the enormity of my need, the limitations I hold and weaknesses I carry. I have found myself in such a place of security in the hands of the Lord that fear doesn’t arise where it has a thousand times before even if there are a thousand very real reasons to. And though I have always said that I am fearful by nature, I find myself now trying to wrap my mind around the fact that the Lord can change a person’s nature.
I keep finding myself wondering, “Where is my fear?”
I am standing on unfamiliar ground, marveling at what has happened to my heart.
I do not know where my fear has gone, but I DO know that it is the perfect love of the Lord that has cast it out.
-------
1 John 4:10,16,18,19
"In this is love, not that we have loved God but that He loved us and sent His son to be the propitiation for our sins...So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him...There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear...We love because He first loved us."
Wednesday, October 26, 2016
You are good.
I was reading in Genesis the other day about the life of Joseph, and when I reached this passage, I cried.
Genesis 42:51–52 Joseph called the name of the firstborn Manasseh. “For,” he said, “God has made me forget my hardship and all my father’s house.” The name of the second he called Ephraim, “For God has made me fruitful in the land of my affliction.”
It may seem strange to cry at the naming of a stranger’s sons thousands of years before I was born, but MAN...when you consider Joseph’s life, these names bring the tears.
Joseph was a man marked by God; it says that everywhere he went, people recognized that the Lord was with him. He was marked not only by the presence of God, but by the favor of God.
Not too long ago, I was looking into the meaning of the word “favor” (because I’m a freak of nature who enjoys word studies), and one of the explanations that touched my heart said that when one is favored by the Lord, it means He spreads His goodness over them. Joseph was so vividly cloaked by the favor of the Lord...seriously, no matter where his foot stepped--be it a pit, a house of slavery, a prison cell, Pharaoh’s courts--he was set in a place of honor. Sometimes immediately, as in the case of Pharaoh who, after having met him ONE time, set him over his entire house and all the land of Egypt. The favor of the Lord is powerful stuff...who can cast down what the Lord raises up? Who can close doors that the Lord opens? Who can form a weapon strong enough to destroy what the Lord protects? No one.
So when I read this passage in Genesis 42, my mind ran through a list of Joseph’s many years of hardship and affliction (and they are vast and terrible)...and I delighted that Joseph exalted God for His goodness as he stood in that moment of a life he had not chosen, but had entrusted himself to God in.
Because lately, I feel like Joseph in verses 51–52; lately all I see is the goodness of the Lord spread out over my life. My days are filled with moments of realization of what the Lord has done for me: I see with vivid wonder how He has marked my life with His generous goodness...and it is not because I have left “the land of my affliction” behind me (yet).
So I just wanted to praise the Lord before you, because at this moment in my life, He “has made me forget my hardship” and “has made me fruitful in the land of my affliction.”
The LORD has been good to me.
(I wrote this poem during prayer tonight.)
You are good
©hannah mclean 10-26-16
i look around
and all i see
is Your overflowing goodness
poured out on me
everywhere i turn
pictures fill my mind
of what was
what is
and what will be
Your goodness pulses with my pain
Your goodness billows from my storms
Your goodness streams beside my tears
Your goodness glistens through my distresses
Your goodness crowns the life i have lived
i stand
in the middle of life’s road
where circumstances, hazards and victories
have compiled the scenery around me
and i marvel
that all i see
is Your overwhelming goodness
lavished on me
Genesis 42:51–52 Joseph called the name of the firstborn Manasseh. “For,” he said, “God has made me forget my hardship and all my father’s house.” The name of the second he called Ephraim, “For God has made me fruitful in the land of my affliction.”
It may seem strange to cry at the naming of a stranger’s sons thousands of years before I was born, but MAN...when you consider Joseph’s life, these names bring the tears.
Joseph was a man marked by God; it says that everywhere he went, people recognized that the Lord was with him. He was marked not only by the presence of God, but by the favor of God.
Not too long ago, I was looking into the meaning of the word “favor” (because I’m a freak of nature who enjoys word studies), and one of the explanations that touched my heart said that when one is favored by the Lord, it means He spreads His goodness over them. Joseph was so vividly cloaked by the favor of the Lord...seriously, no matter where his foot stepped--be it a pit, a house of slavery, a prison cell, Pharaoh’s courts--he was set in a place of honor. Sometimes immediately, as in the case of Pharaoh who, after having met him ONE time, set him over his entire house and all the land of Egypt. The favor of the Lord is powerful stuff...who can cast down what the Lord raises up? Who can close doors that the Lord opens? Who can form a weapon strong enough to destroy what the Lord protects? No one.
So when I read this passage in Genesis 42, my mind ran through a list of Joseph’s many years of hardship and affliction (and they are vast and terrible)...and I delighted that Joseph exalted God for His goodness as he stood in that moment of a life he had not chosen, but had entrusted himself to God in.
Because lately, I feel like Joseph in verses 51–52; lately all I see is the goodness of the Lord spread out over my life. My days are filled with moments of realization of what the Lord has done for me: I see with vivid wonder how He has marked my life with His generous goodness...and it is not because I have left “the land of my affliction” behind me (yet).
So I just wanted to praise the Lord before you, because at this moment in my life, He “has made me forget my hardship” and “has made me fruitful in the land of my affliction.”
The LORD has been good to me.
(I wrote this poem during prayer tonight.)
You are good
©hannah mclean 10-26-16
i look around
and all i see
is Your overflowing goodness
poured out on me
everywhere i turn
pictures fill my mind
of what was
what is
and what will be
Your goodness pulses with my pain
Your goodness billows from my storms
Your goodness streams beside my tears
Your goodness glistens through my distresses
Your goodness crowns the life i have lived
i stand
in the middle of life’s road
where circumstances, hazards and victories
have compiled the scenery around me
and i marvel
that all i see
is Your overwhelming goodness
lavished on me
Tuesday, October 4, 2016
to come and to worship
i just want to be with You
©10-3-16 hannah mclean
i just want to be with You
i just want to be with You
i come only to bow
and bring You worship
bring You praise
i just want to be with You
i just want to be with You
all of my days
all of my days
all of my days
Your presence brings me fullness
Your love lets me adore
Your life, it gives me wholeness
You are all my soul longs for
Your beauty fills with wonder
Your light is pure divine
Your kindness brings me to my knees
i’m Yours and You are mine
i just want to be with You
i just want to be with You
i come only to bow
and bring You worship
bring You praise
i just want to be with You
i just want to be with You
all of my days
all of my days
all of my days
adoration leads to exaltation
Your name rings out
as worthy of all praise
i just want to be with You
i just want to be with You
i come only to bow
and bring You worship
bring You praise
i just want to be with You
i just want to be with You
all of my days
all of my days
all of my days
©10-3-16 hannah mclean
i just want to be with You
i just want to be with You
i come only to bow
and bring You worship
bring You praise
i just want to be with You
i just want to be with You
all of my days
all of my days
all of my days
Your presence brings me fullness
Your love lets me adore
Your life, it gives me wholeness
You are all my soul longs for
Your beauty fills with wonder
Your light is pure divine
Your kindness brings me to my knees
i’m Yours and You are mine
i just want to be with You
i just want to be with You
i come only to bow
and bring You worship
bring You praise
i just want to be with You
i just want to be with You
all of my days
all of my days
all of my days
adoration leads to exaltation
Your name rings out
as worthy of all praise
i just want to be with You
i just want to be with You
i come only to bow
and bring You worship
bring You praise
i just want to be with You
i just want to be with You
all of my days
all of my days
all of my days
Monday, August 15, 2016
fearfully and wonderfully made
Psalm 139:14a “I praise You for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.”
I’ve heard a lot of thoughts on what this verse means--though considerably less on the “fearful” than on the “wonderful.” I think the explanation that has stood out to me the most was one I heard during a podcast by Ravi Zacharias on a fairly unrelated topic; he gave equal attention to both of these words and his explanation was profoundly simple. When I heard it, I tucked it away in my "box of pearls." Ravi explained this verse something like this: We are fearfully and wonderfully made; the care and complexities of a body’s ability and design to function is utterly filled with wonder...and yet, the reality that the smallest of organisms, unseen by the human eye, can take it out makes it equally fearful.
If you have followed this blog for any length of time, you’ve most likely heard me talk about Psalm 139; it is the first passage of scripture that I memorized by choice after becoming a believer. Over the last 12 years the Lord has brought me back to it at deep, identity-shifting times; it is as though I am tethered by its stability and no matter where life moves me, I cannot go beyond its reach. The Lord brought me to this passage the other day, and it has had a profound impact on my heart. I am going to attempt to tell you about it.
I have found myself in a pivotal place because I have a question. The way I answer this weighty question has the power to determine my future perception of my life and whether I will walk in it as a whole person or a divided person. It is deeply important that I take the time to answer the question that the Lord has graciously bought completely into the light (I know I have bumped into it before) and to the forefront of my mind:
Of what value is my body?
We are, when whole and undivided, at peace in body, soul and spirit. I have never doubted the Lord’s care for nor the importance of the soul or the spirit, but when it comes to the body, I have wrestled continually with questions of the Lord's care for and the value of my body. I do believe that scripture would say that, “Yes, He does care about the physical body.” However, it is more important that the soul and spirit are healthy than that the body is. So while I have answered portions of my quandary, I am still left with this question that I have to resolve because if I do not, I will continue to walk through this life as a divided person, unable to usher others into wholeness, because I have been unable to reconcile my body with myself.
So a couple of days ago I brought this question before my Creator. I sat down with Him and His word and asked Him to show me one way or another: Does MY physical body have any value?
You might think this is a silly question (I probably ask a lot of those), but as someone who has spent her entire adult life battling chronic health issues and discovered that her coping mechanism is to completely dissociate with her physical body, as someone who grew up being told and shown that this body was just a shell carrying us from this life to another, as someone who learned to see the beauty in humans that has nothing to do with their outward appearance while being shaped by the lives of her handicap brothers, this question would more fittingly be described as tragically honest because I just turned 35-years-old last week and I hate my body--it has failed me 10,000 times, it has wreaked more havoc on me than any other thing, at times it has felt like pure torture to be connected to it. And that breaks my heart, because it is 1/3 of myself, and I have basically been in a civil war for years and the casualties have added up.
I opened my bible to Genesis, and began at the creation of man. I heard the purposeful decision in the Lord’s voice as I read “Let Us make man in Our image, after Our likeness.” (Gen 1:26–28) I wondered at Yahweh’s hands personally forming the first human out of the dust and imagined what it must have looked like when He breathed His own breath into this creation so that it shared in His life for the first time. (Gen 2:7) I found purpose for this creation of body being “formed” and “made” in the book of Isaiah: To bring glory to the Lord (43:7), to declare praise (43:21) and to be His servant (49:5). And then the Lord brought Psalm 139:13–16 to mind, and when I read the words of verse 14, tears filled my eyes and I knew, “There it is.” These 10 words hold within themselves the answer to whether my broken body has value and purpose: It is not just in the perfection of a body adhering to its design to function that displays the mighty work of the Lord, mercifully it is also in the body’s utter frailty and fallibility that the might and wonder of the Lord is seen.
It is only in the fearful wonder of the careful Designer’s mighty and meek hands that I will find the ability to reconcile my whole person.
And the fact that the answer to my question is “yes” and that this is accompanied with the promise that the pursuit for wholeness will end in victory, I find myself repositioned onto a path of hope and peace.
I’ve heard a lot of thoughts on what this verse means--though considerably less on the “fearful” than on the “wonderful.” I think the explanation that has stood out to me the most was one I heard during a podcast by Ravi Zacharias on a fairly unrelated topic; he gave equal attention to both of these words and his explanation was profoundly simple. When I heard it, I tucked it away in my "box of pearls." Ravi explained this verse something like this: We are fearfully and wonderfully made; the care and complexities of a body’s ability and design to function is utterly filled with wonder...and yet, the reality that the smallest of organisms, unseen by the human eye, can take it out makes it equally fearful.
If you have followed this blog for any length of time, you’ve most likely heard me talk about Psalm 139; it is the first passage of scripture that I memorized by choice after becoming a believer. Over the last 12 years the Lord has brought me back to it at deep, identity-shifting times; it is as though I am tethered by its stability and no matter where life moves me, I cannot go beyond its reach. The Lord brought me to this passage the other day, and it has had a profound impact on my heart. I am going to attempt to tell you about it.
I have found myself in a pivotal place because I have a question. The way I answer this weighty question has the power to determine my future perception of my life and whether I will walk in it as a whole person or a divided person. It is deeply important that I take the time to answer the question that the Lord has graciously bought completely into the light (I know I have bumped into it before) and to the forefront of my mind:
Of what value is my body?
We are, when whole and undivided, at peace in body, soul and spirit. I have never doubted the Lord’s care for nor the importance of the soul or the spirit, but when it comes to the body, I have wrestled continually with questions of the Lord's care for and the value of my body. I do believe that scripture would say that, “Yes, He does care about the physical body.” However, it is more important that the soul and spirit are healthy than that the body is. So while I have answered portions of my quandary, I am still left with this question that I have to resolve because if I do not, I will continue to walk through this life as a divided person, unable to usher others into wholeness, because I have been unable to reconcile my body with myself.
So a couple of days ago I brought this question before my Creator. I sat down with Him and His word and asked Him to show me one way or another: Does MY physical body have any value?
You might think this is a silly question (I probably ask a lot of those), but as someone who has spent her entire adult life battling chronic health issues and discovered that her coping mechanism is to completely dissociate with her physical body, as someone who grew up being told and shown that this body was just a shell carrying us from this life to another, as someone who learned to see the beauty in humans that has nothing to do with their outward appearance while being shaped by the lives of her handicap brothers, this question would more fittingly be described as tragically honest because I just turned 35-years-old last week and I hate my body--it has failed me 10,000 times, it has wreaked more havoc on me than any other thing, at times it has felt like pure torture to be connected to it. And that breaks my heart, because it is 1/3 of myself, and I have basically been in a civil war for years and the casualties have added up.
I opened my bible to Genesis, and began at the creation of man. I heard the purposeful decision in the Lord’s voice as I read “Let Us make man in Our image, after Our likeness.” (Gen 1:26–28) I wondered at Yahweh’s hands personally forming the first human out of the dust and imagined what it must have looked like when He breathed His own breath into this creation so that it shared in His life for the first time. (Gen 2:7) I found purpose for this creation of body being “formed” and “made” in the book of Isaiah: To bring glory to the Lord (43:7), to declare praise (43:21) and to be His servant (49:5). And then the Lord brought Psalm 139:13–16 to mind, and when I read the words of verse 14, tears filled my eyes and I knew, “There it is.” These 10 words hold within themselves the answer to whether my broken body has value and purpose: It is not just in the perfection of a body adhering to its design to function that displays the mighty work of the Lord, mercifully it is also in the body’s utter frailty and fallibility that the might and wonder of the Lord is seen.
It is only in the fearful wonder of the careful Designer’s mighty and meek hands that I will find the ability to reconcile my whole person.
And the fact that the answer to my question is “yes” and that this is accompanied with the promise that the pursuit for wholeness will end in victory, I find myself repositioned onto a path of hope and peace.
Monday, August 8, 2016
aunties are of great importance
a moment with auntie amelia
©8-8-16 hannah mclean
i looked over her shoulder
and my eyes landed on the open back door
of the white hearse
only the end of the wooden coffin with the brass handles
could be seen
displayed across the wood
in scripted letters of tan
i read
“auntie joanie”
and there it was
my auntie joanie was really gone
my heart staggered inside me
what was i to do in my moment
of finality?
grateful for the auntie shoulder
and the auntie arms
i held onto her and cried
©8-8-16 hannah mclean
i looked over her shoulder
and my eyes landed on the open back door
of the white hearse
only the end of the wooden coffin with the brass handles
could be seen
displayed across the wood
in scripted letters of tan
i read
“auntie joanie”
and there it was
my auntie joanie was really gone
my heart staggered inside me
what was i to do in my moment
of finality?
grateful for the auntie shoulder
and the auntie arms
i held onto her and cried
Wednesday, August 3, 2016
who has filled my open hand?
the scorpion
©hannah mclean 8-3-16
i look down at the scorpion in my hand
its glaring eyes burn with hatred
as it takes a threatening pose
pointing its venomous tail in my direction
my response is not so much fear
at its presence
as it is confusion
why is there a scorpion in my hand?
i wonder
i sat before You, Father,
for the first time nearly 2 years ago
having mustered up the courage
to believe in Your affections for me
enough to extend my hand to You
in utter humility asking You
to meet my need
a good gift
i needed a good gift
i look down at the scorpion in my hand
setting upon my open palm
seething with evil
desiring my demise
and through my mind rolls Your words
“what father among you, if his son asks for a fish, will instead of a fish give him a serpent;
or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion?
if you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children,
how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him!”
Luke 11:11–13
why is there a scorpion in my hand?
You did not change
You are still who You say You are
Your goodness still good
Your affections still as my Father
Your intentions still heavenly
with my palm open before me
i see the enemy smirking at me from afar
for the moment I opened my hand
he placed upon it his cruelty
his diversion tactics
his perilous schemes
his twisted lies
he voice poured out a degrading whisper
a cadence in my vulnerable ears
of thoughts that could sway me
away from the One for whom I wait
and as i choose to stand
again and again each moment
upon the Truth
he perseveres
abrading my confidence
with empty threats
and accusations
against the One whom my soul loves
Father, i believe
this scorpion is not from You
help me cast off
this poisonous creature
help me abide
in Your presence
with my expectant hand
still stretched out to You
the One who gives good gifts
for You have said:
“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.
For everyone who asks receives,
and the one who seeks finds,
and to the one who knocks it will be opened.
Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone?
Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent?
If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children,
how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!”
Matthew 7:7–11
©hannah mclean 8-3-16
i look down at the scorpion in my hand
its glaring eyes burn with hatred
as it takes a threatening pose
pointing its venomous tail in my direction
my response is not so much fear
at its presence
as it is confusion
why is there a scorpion in my hand?
i wonder
i sat before You, Father,
for the first time nearly 2 years ago
having mustered up the courage
to believe in Your affections for me
enough to extend my hand to You
in utter humility asking You
to meet my need
a good gift
i needed a good gift
i look down at the scorpion in my hand
setting upon my open palm
seething with evil
desiring my demise
and through my mind rolls Your words
“what father among you, if his son asks for a fish, will instead of a fish give him a serpent;
or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion?
if you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children,
how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him!”
Luke 11:11–13
why is there a scorpion in my hand?
You did not change
You are still who You say You are
Your goodness still good
Your affections still as my Father
Your intentions still heavenly
with my palm open before me
i see the enemy smirking at me from afar
for the moment I opened my hand
he placed upon it his cruelty
his diversion tactics
his perilous schemes
his twisted lies
he voice poured out a degrading whisper
a cadence in my vulnerable ears
of thoughts that could sway me
away from the One for whom I wait
and as i choose to stand
again and again each moment
upon the Truth
he perseveres
abrading my confidence
with empty threats
and accusations
against the One whom my soul loves
Father, i believe
this scorpion is not from You
help me cast off
this poisonous creature
help me abide
in Your presence
with my expectant hand
still stretched out to You
the One who gives good gifts
for You have said:
“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.
For everyone who asks receives,
and the one who seeks finds,
and to the one who knocks it will be opened.
Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone?
Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent?
If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children,
how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!”
Matthew 7:7–11
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