it is good to grow again.

i believe You
©6-17-15 hannah mclean

sometimes i wonder
what You are doing in me
the curiosity of the pains
stirred up
the precision of the moments
of waiting
the joys found in Your presence
in prayer
how mysterious Your ways
as i ponder Your character
amidst the chaos
reveling in the peace
attained by hope
in the face of unchanged circumstances

i find that i believe You

not that You suddenly became trustworthy
but i am learning to trust

it’s strange really
this trust that transcends the details of life
it rests in something greater
and shields my heart against
the painful changes of a broken world;
the giving and the taking
the failing and the shaking

sometimes i wonder
what You are doing in me
because i don’t hear the words
of the Spirit’s groanings
i only feel their strength
i don’t hear the words
of the Savior’s intercession
i only know He accompanies me
to the Mercy Seat

but i receive
and i am receiving

and

i find that i believe You
maybe for the first time

aspects of Your love
Your favor
Your kindness
Your fervor
the sweetness of Your song
sung over me
notes stirring
my heart at depths
only You know
till praise arises from my mouth
in harmony with my Creator

i find i believe You
and You are glorious
Your ways are good
though curious

i wait for You
hoping and wondering
amid pain and prayer and peace
satisfied by Your presence