Praying for Healing: Day 8

simple volumes
©12-8-2014 hannah mclean

sometimes the prayer is simple
spoken with the voice of one
who knows the One to whom she prays
the One who hears the heart before the lips speak
the One who loves with overflowing abundance
the One who holds her body together with
      the same words and hands with which she was created
and so the words are few
yet they speak volumes to the ears to which
they rise

The shortest devotion I will probably ever write.

Romans 5:3b-5 “...We rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.”

Suffering --> endurance --> character --> hope that does not put to shame
therefore
suffering --> hope that does not put to shame
and THEREIN is reason to rejoice in our suffering.

God's love...it's the good stuff. :)

Purposing to push past page 1

I got a new book today. I opened it up and couldn’t even get through the first page because it went right over my head. Word after word...I had no idea what I was reading or even how to pronounce half the words. I closed the book, and for a few minutes, I sat there and felt stupid. I’m not used to feeling stupid...yes, I know there are more things I DON’T know than I DO know, but while I am aware that on the scale of knowledge I fall on the short side, I know I am a fairly intelligent person. The first page of this book, for a moment, made me doubt my capacity to understand its contents.

For a moment.

But then I opened my bible to Psalm 19:7–11, a place that always assures me that the Lord is the One who reveals His truth and His mysteries...and that they are worth searching out. 

“The law of the Lord is perfect, converting the soul; The testimony of the Lord is sure, making wise the simple; The statues of the Lord are right, rejoicing the heart; The commandment of the Lord is pure, enlightening the eyes; The fear of the Lord is clean, enduring forever; The judgments of the Lord are true and righteous altogether. More to be desired are they than gold, yea, than much fine gold; Sweeter also than honey and the honeycomb. Moreover by them Your servant is warned, and in keeping them there is great reward.”

As I read this Psalm, I prayed, and as I prayed, I thanked the Lord that I have not once felt stupid when I have read His word...even when I have not understood what I read, even though I have always known there were mysteries encased within that I have not yet even glimpsed, I have NEVER felt as though I fell too short when reading the word of God. Because, like this Psalm says, God is not just for the one who understands what the big words mean, He is also for the simple [that’s me] and for that I am grateful.

Will I open this book again? Yes, I will. It’s a book on eschatology (which I learned means “study of the end times”); diving into biblical history and interpreting the prophecies of scripture. Even in the short conversation with my husband after I prayed, I realized that when he tells me what these big words mean, I know the scripture he is describing, I just don’t know the terms that men have put on them. I will venture back in because I want to know and understand more.

Honestly, this area of learning is sort of scary for me...it forces me to trust someone for truth...I’m not good at doing that. I have been told a LOT of stuff over the years; I have been fed truth twisted by lies, as well as lies concealed under a facade of truth. We also live in an age of information where we are bombarded with people’s thoughts and opinions. Over the last 11 years I have spent hours and hours in scripture as the Lord has sifted my theology, blowing away the sand so that my feet rest on a solid, immovable Rock. The Bible is my measuring stick...if thoughts, opinions or musings don’t align with it, they are wrong. I don’t want thoughts, opinions and musings, I want TRUTH. But when it comes to eschatology, I can’t find what I need to learn inside the pages of Scripture, I have to trust someone for that information. And for me, that is scary. I am grateful for the Spirit inside me Who will be faithful to help me discern, and for godly, seasoned saints who I can trust to direct me to resources to learn from.

So yes, it might take me a while to get past the first pages of this book, but I believe that we are in a time where we must root ourselves as deep in the Truth as we possibly can. We MUST know what we believe and why we believe it and who God is and what the Truth is that we live (and may one day die) for, because there are winds coming that will rail on us and if we are not rooted, we will fall. 

“Seek the Lord while He may be found, call upon Him while He is near...” Isaiah 55:6

“Call to Me, and I will answer you, and show you great and mighty things, which you do not know.” Jeremiah 33:3

Comfort from the book of Isaiah

"O you afflicted one, tossed with tempest, and not comforted, behold, I will lay your stones with colorful gems, and lay your foundations with sapphires. I will make your pinnacles of rubies, your gates of crystal, and all your walls of precious stones.” Isaiah 54:11–12

words to His afflicted
©10-5-14 hannah mclean

o you, My afflicted child,
whom storms have tossed
and whose tired hands 
have failed to find comfort

I have seen you
in your struggles
caught your tears
and heard your fighting gasps

but you must know
with every breath filled with wonder
with pangs and fears you've felt alone
wisdom stood, unseen beside you
while holy hands, unseen, have honed

for you,
My dear afflicted child
you are the temple where I dwell
and it is I who bring your beauty

I have built you, my temple
I have laid beneath your feet
a foundation
that will not shake
on which I’ve fashioned walls
that will not fall
and raised up pinnacles
that will not topple
and I have filled you
with My all

o you, My afflicted child,
whom storms have tossed
and whose tired hands
have failed to find comfort

all is not lost
for if you, with hanging head
would open up your eyes
to look upon your feet
you would see what the pains
of life have borne you

for etched upon your foundations
and climbing up your walls
and set upon your pinnacles
I am covering you,
my beautiful dwelling place,
with precious stones

for you,
My dear afflicted child
you are the temple where I dwell
and it is I who bring your beauty

through and through and through

ascertain
©9-24-14 hannah mclean

You have kept me
You have carried me
You have stayed with me
through 
and through
and through

You did not bend
You did not break
You did not waiver
though I wondered
and wondered 
and wondered

You were always faithful
You were always patient
You were always enough
no matter
no matter 
no matter

and the voice with which
my soul now praises
offers depth anew
and the arms with which
my spirit raises
lift with strength in You
and the knees with which 
my body bends 
have known Your presence true

but had i not laid
in the rubble of life’s devastations
and looked upon the barrenness
of time flown by
i would not now know You
as I now contend You can be known
i would not now praise You
as I now ascertain You should be praised

for from the ashes
of life’s fires
i rise redeemed
untouched by flames
untarnished by smoke
but changed forever
by the One who walked the fiery coals 

with me

discarded discernment

by hannah mclean 9-3-14

my ears listen to
the words that flow
from those who claim
the name of Jesus
the Spirit grits His teeth
within me
fists clenched
as abomination after
abomination fall from lips
profaning Jesus’ name
and the Truth
for which He died

how long
will you lie
amid your opinions and twisted words
Holy Truths halved
and mixed with the man-made

mercenaries under the banner of Christ
fighting His ways
producing mud holes
miles deep and wide
ensnaring those who
fail to seek the Lord Himself
and entrapping them in
what is NOT
lest they venture further into
the realities and beauty of
what IS

do you not see
how quickly all is stolen from you
when you fail to set your eyes
upon the Holy God
and let them rest elsewhere

you do not discern
what others speak to you:
do not blindly trust
the educated theologian
who claims to know the Word
for you
do not blindly walk
in paths others have forged
who claim to follow the Lord
for you
do not blindly speak
the quips and blurbs that fall from
mouths of those
who claim to hear the Lord
for you

God has not left you to be
blind
He has not left you to be
deaf
He has not left you to be
uninformed
it is you that have chosen
to remain there

pick up the Word
open up the Bible
and fill yourself with the Truth
read and study and search
until the living Word
penetrates your soul
and the Spirit within you
springs to life
and nudges your heart
and stirs your mind
creating conviction
and understanding
and belief
so that when lies rage
you are not swayed
that when the rock of Truth is cemented
into the sands of man
you are not quick to
build your house on
what will fail

discern!
discern!
i beg of you
discern!

what good is it for a man
to gain the whole world
but lose his soul?
what good are the palaces of earth
when they forfeit your place
in the kingdom of heaven?
what good is
a gospel without a Savior?
what good is
worship brought by a worshipper who exalts themself?

for in the end
there will be those who say,
“Lord, Lord”
and to whom He will respond,
“I never knew you.”

it is the one
who walks in the will
of the Father
who values the glory of God
over the glory of man
who honors the Lord
who does not deny
the One whom their soul loves

Jesus died
that the scales you choose to
leave upon your eyes
would fall
Jesus died
that the heart of stone you choose to
keep within your chest
would change to flesh
Jesus died
that the sin you choose to
cling to for comfort
would lose its grip on you
if only you would come
if only you would listen
if only you would turn

there is ONE way
ONE Truth
ONE Life
and you do not get to choose
who God is
you only get to choose
whether or not you will bow
to Him
or to man

discern!
i beg you
discern!
for Jesus weeps
at your endless
swaying

--------

Oh saints in Jesus, I exhort you with Revelations 3:11:
"I am coming soon. Hold fast what you have, so that no one may seize your crown."

While on the battle field: Isaiah 40:13–14

During the 7th day of prayer in this 7th month of July during the 7 hour fast (An Urgent Call to Prayer), as I prayed I came upon these verses in Isaiah 40 which led to a time of deep repentance.

Isaiah 40:13–14
“Who has measured the Spirit of the Lord,
    or what man shows Him his counsel?
Whom did He consult,
    and who made Him understand?
Who taught Him the path of justice,
    and taught Him knowledge,
    and showed Him the way of understanding?”

What a twisted culture we stand in. What arrogance exudes from created men and women who turn their faces from Truth with proclamations of something greater, something more tolerant and just, something more knowledgeable and progressive, something that could offer understanding to the all-knowing, all-powerful, all-wise, all-worthy Creator of their minds and the bodies that house them. How filthy the hands that smear dirt on the purity of Truth as they shove shame down the throats of people who uphold their Maker as the ONE authoritative Lord and King; how devastating that so many of these hands belong to those who claim to walk under the banner of Christ.

Have we “progressed” to a position greater than perfect and holy God Almighty? Have we established something more just than the One who is both the just Judge and the Justifier? Have we become so wise in our own eyes that we think we have something to teach the One who possesses all wisdom? Have we raised ourselves higher than the One who sits enthroned above all that exists and holds creation together by His word and power? Do we think the One true and living God is so small as to require our counsel, our assistance in helping Him understand what is good and right and just and true?

Because if that is where we stand, we should remember this: “Therefore God has highly exalted [Jesus] and bestowed on Him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father. (Phil 2:9–11)”

It does not matter who we are in our own eyes or in the eyes of those around us...it matters only how God see us and who we are in Him or apart from Him. And though we may deny the Way, the Truth and the Life, one day we WILL take our rightful place before Him; we WILL bow to Him and we WILL confess Him to the glory of the Father. No exceptions.

Therefore....Humble yourself before Him that HE may exalt you; repent of the foolishness you have presented as wisdom, the sin you have presented as righteous, the pride you have presented as progress. God is the one who has all wisdom, understanding, justice, knowledge, power...there is nothing we can add to His perfection.

While on the battle field: Psalm 91:13

During the 7th day of prayer in this 7th month of July during the 7 hour fast (An Urgent Call to Prayer), as I prayed I came upon this verse in Psalm 91.

Psalm 91:13
“You will tread on the lion and the adder; the young lion and the serpent you will trample underfoot.”

What fuel for prayer! We hear the devil referred to in scripture as a roaring lion who prowls about seeking someone to devour (1 Peter 5:8) and as the serpent who deceives the whole world (Revelation 12:9). In Christ we will TREAD on this lion and adder...and even greater still is this: we can quench his handiwork--the sin that threatens our children--by trampling out the seeds of sin that have been birthed in this world before they grow from cub to king of the jungle, from small snake to venomous, strangling, hissing serpent. 

Oh to fight on the battle field of prayer, wielding the weapons of Christ in spiritual battle for the souls of the young in our culture, that they would grow up free from the sting of the serpent and roar of the lion. We can trample down the seeds planted before they bring forth fruit in the new souls, lives and hearts of those whose faces look forward into the unknown future of this nation.

Christ is already victorious: We fight a vanquished foe. Let us forge forward on our knees to keep the evil at bay as we stand in the gap for those who walk behind us.

A piece from a puritan prayer from the Valley of Vision:
"O Lord,
I bless Thee that the issue of the battle
            between Thyself and Satan
            Has never been uncertain
            And will end in victory.
Calvary broke the dragon’s head,
            And I contend with a vanquished foe,
            Who with all his subtlety and strength
            has already been overcome.
When I feel the serpent at my heel
May I remember Him whose heel was bruised,
But who, when bruised, broke the devil’s head.
My soul with inward joy extols the mighty Conqueror."

Lessons from the wilderness

I went to a bible conference in Iowa this past weekend, we explored a little bit of the life of Moses; what a man, what a life. During one of the messages, we looked at lessons Moses learned during his 40 years wandering in the wilderness. I thought it would be beneficial to me to consider the things I have learned over the past 2 years of my journey through the wilderness I have trudged, walked, ran, crawled, wept and whined through. I am grateful that Moses’ God is also my God.

------------

MY LESSONS FROM THE WILDERNESS:

God provides strength for my moments simply by His presence...even if I do not have within me the power to lift my own head.

God doesn’t want me to go back...even if “back” is a good place.

I cannot and will not leave the desert unchanged.

God knows my limitations and never shames me for my weaknesses.

In the wilderness, my bottom line is revealed. (The depth of my heart, what I desire most, what is above all else...)

When distance is felt between God and myself, it is always on my part, not His.

Before the Lord, “weak” is a perfectly acceptable state of being.

God is very gentle...and the sharper the pain, the more threatened I am by doubt, the more heavy the load...the more gentle He is with me.

God is enough...in Him I have everything I need.

------------

These are a few that came to mind, some profound realities that have comforted and kept me as I have struggled, flailed and faltered since Noah died.

Shall we indeed accept good from God, and shall we not accept adversity?...For He does not afflict willingly, Nor grieve the children of men...You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; You have loosed my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness, THAT my glory may sing Your praise and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give thanks to you forever! (Job 2:10, Lamentations 3:33, Psalm 30:11–12)

There is ALWAYS purpose to the suffering the Lord brings or allows into our lives. To me, that makes all the difference. I know that it is the twisted depth of my own nature that sometimes requires such intense pain to make straight what has been distorted, to rebuild what has been improperly erected, and to lift me from the derailing ruts I have fallen into over time. God loves me too much to leave me as I was; He desires my holiness and my wholeness and will go to any length to draw me fully to Himself.

Blessed be the name of the Lord.

Picture: Leaving the wilderness

I am standing in the desert looking ahead at green on the horizon, the welcome shore to an endless sea of sand and dry and heat. Stretching forward across the expanse of green are many roads and far away over many hills stands the Cross against a backdrop of blue. As I stand, unable to discern which path leads to the Cross, satan shoots arrows at me. 

Because here is the truth, he does not want me to leave this wilderness because God cannot use me here; and if I do succeed in leaving, he wants me to leave wounded so that the full effect of God’s purpose for my time here would not come to fruition but would instead leave me crippled.

And yet, as disconcerting as this uncertainty feels, as intimidating as these arrows may appear, this I know: It does not matter if I can discern which road before me leads to the Cross...I need only fix my eyes on Jesus and walk straight toward Him.

2 Chronicles 20:12b “We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on You.”

Fuel for prayer against human trafficking: Psalm 12

I have been gathering verses to aide me in organizing a night of prayer surrounding sex trafficking. These verses have stood out to me as I have gone throughout my usual times of reading and pondering the Word; sometimes they hit me like a ton of bricks and sometimes they brush against me like a gentle breeze. I thought it would be helpful in solidifying these verses if I meditated on and wrote about them. That being said:
 
--------

Today I was reading Psalm 12, it is a psalm lamenting the loss of those who are faithful to the Lord. It laments how the mouths of people speak only lies, revealing divided and proud hearts; how they have chosen to rely on the twists of their tongue and to disregard the truth, rejecting godliness in the wake of their wickedness. These things have led to injustice because, as it says in verse 8, “vileness is exalted among the children of man." Isaiah 5:20 says, “Woe to those who call evil good and good evil, who put darkness for light and light for darkness, who put bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter!” When we exalt what is wicked, our decision bears evil fruit.

So as I read, I came to these words:
“Because the poor are plundered, because the needy groan, I will now arise,” says the Lord; “I will place him in the safety for which he longs.”
It follows up by saying:
“The words of the Lord are pure words, like silver refined in a furnace on the ground, purified seven times.”
In other words, unlike the twisted, evil tongues of the unfaithful that spew out wickedness leading to vile actions, the Lord does not lie. The Lord is holy and pure. The Lord seeks justice and the good of people. And His ability to fulfill His words trumps the unfaithful and boastful who think they are above Him.

“Because the poor are plundered”...consider the poverty of so many who are trafficked; the lack of resources and options, the vulnerabilities that lead their very bodies to being “plundered” by wicked men. Their innocence, safety, dignity stolen and denied.

“Because the needy groan”...consider the cries, the screams, the silence of the victims of these terrible crimes. Those drawing out these “groans” may think they are above consequence, but God hears, God sees and God cares.

“I will now arise”...Yes! Yes, Lord, do not hesitate another moment, ARISE! I pray, ARISE! Come on the clouds in anger, power and love, wielding Your scepter of justice as You do in Psalm 18. Do not delay, You must arise! You must arise. You must. You must arise...

...As I just wrote the words above, I heard inside my heart, “I HAVE arisen; it is My Church that must arise and that has now begun to rise. Their hand can wield My justice, My mercy and My power. Their hand can place the poor and needy into the safety for which they long. Arise! I say to you, My Church, ARISE!”

Yes. Your words are pure, because You, Lord, are pure. You do not lie, and therefore, I will arise in You here on earth, I will seek to lift up the needy and the plundered poor, I will proclaim Your power and position to those who deny You, and I will seek safety for those whose groans you have heard, whose tears You have gathered, who silent suffering You have seen. Help me be Your hands and feet in ending these horrific injustices against humanity.

#yesallwomen

There’s this #yesallwomen twitter campaign floating around in the aftermath of a recent shooting spree. And regardless of whether or not you feel it is an appropriate response to the twisted views articulated in the manifesto of a young man who is now dead, I think it merits thought and discussion amongst yourselves and the people in your life.

When I first encountered these statements tagged with #yesallwomen, I was taken aback by my emotional response to them...sort of like when you encounter something you had always seen as normal and for the first time saw what it really was and suddenly realized what you had lost. I felt sorrow. Genuine sorrow, because when I read these tweets, I felt this reality of “Yes, I am one of the ‘all’.”

I like to think that the way I live and walk through life is not fueled by fear; as a naturally fearful woman, I actively (and daily) seek to trade in my fears for faith. I like to think that the thoughts surrounding my encounters with men are just me being smart; for instance, it is smarter to walk 4 blocks out of my way instead of walking past a group of men, it is smarter to talk on a phone while speed-walking alone through a parking lot at night than to walk at a normal pace, it is smart to tell my 3-year-old daughter not to play in back hallways or empty rooms in the church without me. I like to think that I am not someone who naturally distrusts my fellow human beings of the male variety, but if that is the case, than why do I take “smart” precautions?

I don’t really know when and how I got here...to the place where #yesallwomen’s voice speaks for me (though our lives didn’t intersect, we’ve gathered the same defenses). I wasn’t always so cautious, so fearful...so “smart.” Maybe it started when I agreed with the Lord to open my eyes to the world around me. I used to avoid the news and the content of the world’s goings on because, “I just couldn’t handle what I saw and heard.” But then I met Jesus, and Jesus’ eyes see and His ears hear and His heart handles all the pains and the sorrows and the things that are too hard to look at...and I told Him, “I want to see things the way You see them even if it breaks my heart.” Then He opened my eyes to see poverty, orphans, the AIDS crisis, rape, genocide, corruption, injustice, hate, hopelessness...the lengths of the lost and the darkness of the wicked and the pain of the oppressed and the helplessness of unsaved.

Or maybe it started earlier than that...
It has been a while since I’ve been confronted with my past (I have found that the Lord heals in layers). I didn’t always walk with Him, I accepted the salvation He offered me in the Spring of 2003 and submitted my life to Him fully a year later. This simple hashtag has brought into the light things I didn’t even realize I had repressed of violations of men against me. The earliest ones that have entered my mind began at my first job...men who left me feeling unsafe in broad daylight. I remember once as I stood on top of a ladder restocking shelves, a coworker walked through my aisle with a smile on his face and I asked, “Why are you smiling?” His response was, “I’m just picturing you naked.” I remember feeling grateful I was up on a ladder.

I used to go out dancing with friends. I was so naive. I thought that I could enter into an atmosphere with the context of people hooking up and remain unscathed because that was not my desire or intention...but as I think back to scenario after scenario, boys seemed to interpret an accepted invitation to dance as a free-access pass to my body. I remember slapping a guy once and him walking away with a look on his face like he was thinking “worth it”; if the only consequence to his violating a woman’s body was a literal slap in the face, he would definitely do it again...in his mind, I was not a person but an object. The response of the people I was with was always to laugh it off, I mean, what a freak, how funny, let’s give him a nickname (ie “the jackhammer”) and move on. And then there was my time in college, which brought out its own encounters that left me shaking with fear and/or anger...it is actually no small miracle that I ever learned how to trust any man.

But as I think back on these various situations; inappropriately touched by men I didn’t know, arguing my way out of invitations for one-night stands, repeating the word “no” followed by apparent required explanations and reasons (unoffensive ones at that, it is safer to deal with a man’s lust than to deal with both his lust AND his anger) as to why I was turning down what I should have seen as desirable offers, I realize there is nothing laughable about any of it.

Because we as a society excuse away the crude, despicable behaviors of men by asking the woman where she was at, what she was wearing, etc.; we laugh off “boys being boys” and explain away the offenses as compliments; we show girls who will grow up to be women that what men think of them is of utmost importance and boys who will grow up to be men oblige by laying down the standards to which they must comply. And it’s not funny, it’s not funny that we believe this wicked system; it’s not funny that it produces girls with vulnerabilities and boys who idolize sex. It’s not funny that the sex trade is a multi-billion dollar industry that places human beings into a category of sub-humans that are viewed as a commodity acceptable to sell, use, abuse and discard; it’s not funny that men are trained to look at women as objects and women are trained to believe it and/or simply given tools to hopefully survive a broken system.

But where ever it started, somewhere along the line, I adapted to the realities of this world...I got smart. Because here is the truth: The world walks in the way of the wicked, and this means that the way it views women perpetuates fear in them...it requires them to be smart to combat the dangers that face them. The world belittles a woman, boiling down her worth to her body and the pleasure that can be drawn from it. And it belittles a man, boiling his worth down to his pleasures. It is not just the men who belittle, it is also the women who believe they are what satan seeks to make them believe they are using the various avenues culture offers.

Don’t jump to the conclusion that I am saying men are bad and women are good.  I believe that most men are not a danger to me, most men would protect me if I was in harms way...and it is unfortunate that I can’t easily see which ones they are. Because they’re lumped in my mind with statistical evidences of varying degrees of danger: The plumber fixing the drain in my bathroom reminds me that the most common users of women in the sex trade are blue-collar workers; the boy on the playground is an automatic threat to my daughters’ innocence because most boys encounter porn by the time they are 9-years-old; the cat-call from the construction site brings to mind the truth that 1 in 5 women have been raped...and so I walk faster, I watch closer and I make sure I mention my 6’5” husband to the handyman.

What I AM saying is that we all desperately need Jesus. There are many men in my life who I respect, trust and greatly look up to. In fact, one of the greatest things that stood out to me when I encountered people with living faith in Christ was how different the men were; they treated me with respect and dignity, they protected me and sought my good, they didn’t take from me, instead they sought to preserve me. And this was not because I was upright and respectable...coming out of the life I lived with the mess I carried I remember someone calling me a temptress (while it was said with a smile, I did not take that as a compliment but a reality check). But these men who loved Jesus covered what I had learned to reveal and would not take what I had learned to offer; but instead, they applied to me a worth that was proclaimed of me by my Maker. And I remember how strikingly safe I felt...a safety that made me weep; weep because I lived in such a contrast and hadn’t even known it, and because I had found a place that didn’t require the painful walls I had erected to survive.

So yes, the statements we find in #yesallwomen are ugly. They are ugly because they deny the truth that God lays out. If men treated women the way God designed them to, if humans viewed themselves and each other the way God views them, if society didn’t negate the innate value of every man, woman and child, the content of the #yesallwomen tags would be remarkably different.

Until then, I would encourage you to honestly consider the statements you read surrounding this topic; consider the emotions behind the women’s words and what brought them about, consider if you have thought the same thing their perpetrators thought concerning a woman, consider what the media and Hollywood say to you about females and femininity...and then consider Jesus.

If I tweeted, here would be a few tweets I would contribute:

#yesallwomen may be stuck in this reality, but have the offer of a future free of it. #givemeJesus

#yesallwomen have value and worth that has nothing to do with what is attributed to or denied us by the world around us and everything to do with what is proclaimed of us by our Creator.

#yesallwomen will receive justice for the abuses against them. #ElRoi-theGodwhosees

the flatterer and the accuser

the flatterer and the accuser
©5-4-14 hannah mclean

tongues bombard me
the flatterer and the accuser
creating confusion

in places of struggle and sin
the flatterer says
“stay!
all is well.
peace, peace,”
it sings to the places where
there is no peace
“do not consider, do not change,
listen as i sing your praises
lest you look upon your shame.”

in places of purity and redemption
the accuser says
“go back!
you are not well.
pick up the chains of the past
and wrap them around your neck
you are naked and shamed
without them.
you have not changed
nor can you ever.”

and to these tongues
which fill my ears with wicked lies
i say
“shut your mouth, satan.
it is the Spirit that both
affirms
and convicts
and you are not Him.
i will not overlook the sin that stains my heart
because you sing my accolades
serenading me with
hollow, flowery compliments
in a pursuit to drown out His voice
that desires my holiness.
and i will not doubt the reality of His redemption
as your judgments ring around my head
accusing me of walking amid your ranks
denying me the realities of
His redeeming work
and accrediting your work
to my clean hands.

hold your tongue.

i do not live at your beck and call
i will not swoon at your validations
nor grovel at your accusations.
it is the Spirit that both
affirms
and convicts
and you are not Him.”

Strength

Lately in conversation, the declaration of God giving strength to His people has stood out to me. Often times when I share the pains of the past few years, I hear others praise the Lord that He has given me the strength to get through it. And this is true, but not in the way I would typically describe it.

You see, there are times God gives me strength and there are times He simply IS strength for me. Both display and provide strength that is not my own, but the way in which it is given has been so profoundly different in my life. I wanted to try to articulate what I mean as the consideration of what it feels like moves me to tears every time.

I’m not a strong person, but I have walked through many things that have required great strength. And it is ok. It is ok that I’m not strong because my God is. Yes, sometimes He strengthens my spaghetti arms for battle and I am able to stand up in the face of things that should otherwise crush me and know victory. This is a beautiful thing; the contrast of what I am alone and who I am in the Lord is glorious, marvelous and mysterious.

But over the last few years, I have come to see and know God’s strength in another way. Like I said, I am not a strong person; over the past few years, those looking in on me has seen my fragility, they have tiptoed around my weaknesses and vulnerabilities with much care to not crush me. Because life has weighed heavy on me; it has beaten my heart, my spirit, my soul until I have been emptied out, left clinging to what I know, afraid to even look around me.

And yet, God has given me strength. No, He has not filled my body with power for battle (or even the ability to stand sometimes); He has not stopped life’s crushing blows from bombarding me...No, He has let me remain in my weakness.

Instead, He has spread out His strength beneath me so that I have had something soft and sturdy to land upon when I have fallen; He has wrapped His strength around me so that the broken pieces of me have not been lost along this jarring road I’ve walked; His strength has laid beside me when I have been unable to lift my weary head; He has bridled His strength to patiently listened to the endless, tired cries of every pain I have felt. And though I am not strong, I have walked through these years that have required great strength.

Because God is not just strength that replaces or pushes out weakness, sometimes He is simply strength IN weakness. In both He is sufficient, in both He is merciful, in both He is kind, in both He is faithful.

So I can echo the Psalmist (18:1) with all honesty in the face of my frailty, “I love You, Lord, my Strength.” And when you praise the Lord for the strength He has provided, I hope you will marvel with me at the beauty of what the simple presence of His strength can do for the weak and weary saint.

Mediations on Colossians: The knowedge of His will

Colossians 1:9-10
And so, from the day we heard, we have not ceased to pray for you, asking that you may be filled with the knowledge of His will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, so as to walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to Him, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God.

“To be filled with the knowledge of His will.”
If I had a penny for every time I have heard someone express exasperation over their desire to know God’s will for them in a particular situation and that they find themselves unable to hear His clear direction, I would have many pennies. (For the record, I count myself among the “someones” mentioned above.) To those of us who struggle with this question and the seeming silence we find on the other side of our prayers and pleadings to the Lord in the daily situations we encounter, this place in Colossians should bring us much relief.

How do we attain the knowledge of His will? He tells us here that it requires SPIRITUAL wisdom and understanding. He also tells us clearly His will for us in a broad, yet specific, sense: (1) That we walk in a manner worthy of Him, (2) that we bear fruit in every good work and (3) that we increase in the knowledge of Him.

I truly believe that often the reason we encounter silence as we ask the Lord, “What is Your will in this situation?” comes not from His lack of desire to lead us (He’s always faithful to His promises and one of those promises is to lead), but instead from our error of seeking His will with our minds. We rationalize, we scrutinize every option, we pour over our pro/con lists...we push aside the Spirit with our over-analytical minds and paralyze ourselves. But here is the truth, it is the Spirit that reveals direction and wisdom for the directing of our lives because He has the power to bring about the understanding of the heart of God. 1 Corinthians 2:10 says that “...God has revealed to us through the Spirit. For the Spirit searches everything, even the depths of God.”

We may not be able to find in scripture the specific answer to what school to go to, what country to minister to, whether or not to marry a certain person...but what we do find are direction to what the will of God for us looks like: God wants our life to please Him (scripture tells us what attributes are pleasing to God), He wants us to grow in doing what is good and right (scripture tells us what the fruits of the Spirit are and how we are to love others), and He wants us to grow in the knowledge of Him (scripture tells us who He is and what He is and how He is). It is that simple. There are many choices in life that don’t have a clear “right” and “wrong,” and that’s not the point of our lives anyway...if you desire that your life reflects the will of God for you, than put Him always before you and allow your faith to stretch as you move forward in the choice you make--trusting His character, His hand and His power will be with you. Psalm 16:9 “I have set the Lord always before me; because He is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken.”

Isn’t it enough that a heart truly desires to please the Lord? God knows what we are: Psalm 103:14 “For He knows our frame; He remembers that we are dust.” He knows the limitations we possess...is He really so cruel and distant as to say, “Know what I want of you, know the way you should walk, know the desires of My heart...Go!” without providing the means? No! Instead He puts His spirit in us as a helper and gives us His word as a lamp to show the path our feet should walk. His requirement of us is “Wash yourself in the blood of My Son and follow Me.” That is all. If He is big enough to purify us from our sins and restore our relationship with a holy God, surely He is big enough to cover us as we walk through the daily decisions we face...not because we know exactly what decision to make, but because He is faithful.

I think it is enough. I think it is enough to have a heart that sincerely says, “I want my life to reflect YOUR will for me, I want my life to please You, I want my steps to follow You, I want to hear Your voice. Do with me as You wish.” What more would the Lord require from imperfect dust? His grace is sufficient for our physical limitations and if His Spirit lives in us, we already possess the knowledge of His will for us.

Meditations on Colossians: The blood of peace

We’ve begun our study of the book of Colossians in our Life Group. I told my husband this morning, “There is some good stuff in there.” As I read through the first chapter, writing down my observations as I went, I found myself engulfed in several portions along the way. If I can gather some moments in my chaotic days, I would like to write out some of my meditations on this book.

Here is the first:
Colossians 1:19–20
“For in [Jesus] all the fullness of God was pleased to dwell, and through Him to reconcile to Himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven, making peace by the blood of His cross.”
As I read, I was very struck by the phrase “making peace by the blood of His cross.”

Have you ever considered the blood of the cross? I mean really looked at it? Today I saw the blood as it ran down the cross of Christ. I saw it, red and dripping from the top of the head of my Lord where the thorns of a twisted, mocking crown pressed into his limp and hanging head; it ran down His face, matting his hair; it dripped from his hands spread out and held in place by cruelly pounded nails; it poured from his side until only water remained; it flowed down between the wooden grooves of the hewn beams until it pooled at the foot of His cross.

And as I considered this trail of blood, I considered the contrast of what it must have looked like through the eyes of satan and what this passage in Colossians tells us it looked like through the eyes of God.

To satan, the blood of the crucifixion represented a violent attempt at victory; I imagine it said, “I have killed the Messiah, now He cannot bruise my head (Genesis 3)”; it was intended to thwart the redemptive plans of God; to crush his dignity, His deity, His authority, His royalty, His power; it was beaten and torn out of the flesh of Christ to humiliate and bring about pain; it was to represent the victory of sin, death and the power of the devil...

and yet, to God, it was the blood of peace.

It was the blood of peace...the red, flowing flag of surrender. Surrender not to the enemy but to the love of the One True and Living God. To God--the Creator, the King, the Authority--this blood signaled not the victory of satan but the victory of Love as it brought about a reconciled relationship between holy God and sinful man. Because the fullness of God delighted to dwell in the body of Christ, His fullness filled every drop that left His crucified body, His fullness brought about the reconciling peace for which it fell. The very FULLNESS OF GOD ran from the first drops that flowed in Garden of Gethsemane from the brow of Jesus all the way to the place of shame up on the Hill of Golgotha, it fell upon the ground where pilot’s soldiers whipped Him until He barely resembled a man, it drained along the road beside the groove left behind by the cross He dragged, it flowed upon the ground as the nails were driven through His flesh, and dripped from His perch of shame until only water remained. Jesus the god-man was not alone as He walked the path to willingly lay His life down for the sake of sinners; He literally dripped the fullness of God every step of the way. To God, this blood was the blood of peace...it was shed to reconcile ALL things to Himself. It did represent victory, not of the destroying power of satan, but of the life-giving power of God for those who believe.

So today, I considered the blood...and the contrast of what the eyes of those observing saw when they looked upon the cross of Christ. Because no matter what satan may have intended or saw as Jesus died that day, he did not know...in those moments, satan did not know that the blood was the glory of God, it was the love of God, it was the peace of God.

I pray today that you may know this peace made by the blood of the cross of Christ; that you delight in a reconciled life with your Creator; and that you stand beneath the fullness of God as it flows through the cross.

my tilt-a-whirl world

©hannah mclean 2-2-14

still teetering
like one who stepped off
a spinning, twirling, whirling thing
knocking the equilibrium
out of sync with
the ground on which the feet now stand

the eyes struggle to adjust
to the distorted view they now hold

the hands reach out for balance
only to find the seeming things left to grip
are but a deception
created by an illusion
of things the eyes picked up 
along the way

and then there are the feet
the cautious feet
that move from side to side
in a quest for stability
to hold back
the inevitable fall

look down!
reach down.
fall down...

there is but
One Thing that is stable
One Thing that is unchanging
One Thing that has not moved

not even in the moments
the mind has begged for it to
open up and swallow whole

not even in the darkness
when everything around was lost
for lack of light

there is but One Thing

still teetering
i look down
at the ground beneath my feet
a solid stone
unassuming in its solidity
demanding no recognition
simply upholding

still teetering
i reach down
and run my fingers along this wonder
that is too large to evade
the distance of
my stumbling, running, stammering feet
it has the feel of a face
weathered by the pains
i have endured
but with a strength
i have not possessed

still teetering
i fall down
and press my cheek against the soil
too soft to leave me injured in my decent
and yet
too hard to give way to the pressure
of my burdensome heart

and with my head upon this mysterious Rock
i realize that the teetering
i feel when upright
cannot command me
cannot define me
cannot determine where i will go
not as long as i rest upon
the ground on which
my feet have stood
my eyes have looked
my hand has felt
my knees have knelt
my head has laid

for though i may teeter
with uncertainty at life’s changes
though i may seek to balance
on what cannot stand firm
though i may stumble
in the dark and foggy places

i need only
look down
reach down
fall down

for there is One Thing that never fails
my Jesus

oh Great Rock on which
this house of dirt is built
oh Faithful One that never leaves
nor forsakes
You are broader than
the places my feet would seek to stand
You are fuller than
the things i would seek to fill my hands
You are more than
the whole of which my eyes could take in

You are Jesus
the One redeeming King

"...and Your gentleness made me great."

The other evening as I drove home in the darkness of a cold, still evening with my babies fast asleep in the seats behind me, I talked to the Lord. I was considering my year as it came to a close; a year where the slowness of my crawl from fear of growth and the seeming stagnancy of my spiritual life stood out in my mind as my greatest laments. I considered the things I had walked though and my inability to return to where I had been before various life events had crashed into me like waves that transform the shorelines they beat against. And as I thought about the realities of the weaknesses that made me hesitant to seek or feel change in my life, I realized, through tears, that while in the past my deepest growths had been accompanied by my deepest pains, this year my deepest growths had been accompanied by my deepest comforts. This verse entered my mind and has rolled through it ever since:

Psalm 18: 35 “You have given me the shield of Your salvation, and Your right had supported me, and Your gentleness made me great.”
 
If I have one thing to say about my life in the year 2013, it is that the Lord has been gentle with me. At every failing turn, in every bewildering bout of weakness, beside all of my lamenting sorrows, He has responded to, met with and upheld me in the gentlest of ways. When I shouted, He whispered; when I wept, He held me; when I floundered, He set pillars around me; when I was too tired to lift my head, He laid down beside me; when I faltered, He offered me another chance; when I was without words, He told me the truth; when I was afraid, He held my hand; when I was without the strength to lift my burdens, He lent me the backs of His people; and when I forgot Him, He remained beside me, above me, below me, before me, behind me, inside me...so that no matter where I turned to see His face it was there--shining, shielding, soothing, sufficient.

This was a year where life and growth were offered to me in unfamiliar ways, it was a year of learning to receive and accept when my hands were empty of anything to offer in return. It was a year not marked by new pains, but by the slow healing of old pains that linger. It may not have been a year of flourishing, of returning to the place of peace and strength where I had previously stood...but instead, it was a year of sustaining and of realizing that I am not meant to go back (even if the place I had to leave behind was peaceful and nourishing). Where I am going this new year, I don’t know. But this is what I do know: There are dimensions of the Lord--His mercy, His grace, His sufficiency, His power, His holiness, His justice, His love--that I will know at the end of it that I would never have glimpsed had I not trudged my way through this valley.

Because this is what I know to be true of the Lord:

Ezekiel 34:11–26
For thus says the Lord God: “Behold, I, I myself will search for My sheep and will seek them out. As a shepherd seeks out his flock when he is among his sheep that have been scattered, so I will seek out My sheep, and I will rescue them from all the places where they have been scattered on a day of clouds and thick darkness. And I will bring them OUT from the peoples and gather them IN to their own land. And I will feed them on the mountains of Israel, by the ravines, and in all the inhabited places of the country. I will feed them with good pasture, and on the mountain heights of Israel shall be their grazing land. There they shall lie down...I Myself will be the shepherd of My sheep, and I Myself will make them lie down,” declares the Lord God. “I will seek the lost, and I will bring back the strayed, and I will bind up the injured, and I will strengthen the weak...”
 
When the Lord brings His people from the places of clouds and darkness, He is always faithful to bring them to a place of provision, safety and rest, where He graciously tends to them in whatever condition He has found them; displaying His gentle sufficiency and mercy at He meets their every need.

The Lord has been gentle with me. Gentle in words, gentle in touch, gentle in mercy...where I have expected pain, again and again He has applied healing balm and a gentle word. And that changes a person for the better. I may not recognize the changes at this moment, but I feel myself change with every encounter I have with this gentle Lord of mine. While I do not know what is coming in 2014, I know who I am with...and that is enough to fuel hope for the remainder of my lifetime and the forever that follows.