when i have nothing left

enough
©4-26-16 hannah mclean

You are enough

no matter the deficits i hold
nor the reality of my inability to fill them
no matter the wounds that mar me
nor the reality of my inability to bind them

i may stand before You
with startling gaps of insecurities
with fraying edges where i have been too long battered
with scars that leave me beyond recognition

but i do not stand before You alone

You do not cringe when You look upon me
You do not turn away in disgust
You do not pass by on the other side of my desperation
You meet my gaze
You lift my head
You kneel beside me in the dust

You are enough

You are enough for the moments
when i can bear it no longer
You are enough for the moments
when my voice is hoarse from pleading
You are enough for the moments
when i’m worn so thin a breeze could blow me apart
You are enough for the moments
when i have nothing
when i am nothing
when i feel nothing but pain and dread and longing and doubt

if all i have as i face my tomorrow
is You
this i know
i have enough

Psalm 29:10 "The Lord sits enthroned over the flood; the Lord sits enthroned as king forever."

fighting doubt

Psalm 94:17 “If the Lord had not been my help, my soul would soon have lived in the land of silence.”

to settle or to remain
©hannah mclean 4/24/16

i’m falling apart
confusion meets doubt
and too much is required

i travail
crying out to You
to no avail
and i wonder
if You still hear me

“if the Lord had not been my help
my soul would soon have settled in silence”

this is where i am

my eyes upon the hills
far too long
awaiting Your help that has not come
and my soul within me
threatens to call no more

like an orphaned child
whose cries have gone unanswered
until it no longer makes a sound

silence stands before me
beckoning

but i don’t want to be alone
i want to see You appear upon the horizon
in the place my eyes have blazed
all this time

Psalm 121:1–2 “I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth. He will not let your foot be moved; He who keeps you will not slumber. Behold, He who keeps Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The Lord is your keeper; the Lord is your shade on your right hand. The sun shall not strike you by day, nor the moon by night. The Lord will keep you from all evil; He will keep your life. The Lord will keep your going out and your coming in from this time forth and forevermore.”

i love because He first loved me

knowing
©4-6-16 hannah mclean

perhaps it is
the inclination of Your ear
and the holiest of touch
on the dustiest of soul
perhaps it is
the glory of being pursued
by the Most High
and kept by
the mercies of Your Son
perhaps it is
the wonder of Your favor
and the transforming power
of Your lavish love
perhaps it is
the peace inside Your throne room
and the mystery of
Your choice to dwell within

though innumerable the reasons
this is true:

my heart once hard and brittle
now soft and moveable
my life once my own
now pliable within Your hand
my soul once lost amid the dark
now rejoicing in the Light
my feet once wandering aimlessly
now planted in eternal purpose

overwhelmed with utter affection
i bow with joy before You
knowing
i am not just Yours
You are mine


Psalm 40:1–3 
"I waited patiently for the Lord; He inclined to me and heard my cry. He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure. He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God. Many will see and fear, and put their trust in the Lord."

i gave it back

surrendered
©4-4-16 hannah mclean

i look at the table in front of me
on it rests an alabaster box
open and
awaiting the offering
with which I will fill it
the one that i will set into Your lap
no longer mine
but Yours

it is not perfume of great price
but it is as fragrant to You
for my offering has wrapped within it
the sweet aroma of prayer
weathered year after weathered year
colored by the memory of countless tears
creased and crumpled by my desperate clutch

20 lines containing 84 words
i place inside my alabaster box
the promise to fulfill my deepest desire
and close the lid

lifting my offering
i raise it up to You
releasing it in Your faithful hands

i place my arms back by my sides
mixed emotions drag themselves across
my unburdened face
as i look down at my empty hands
but i do not turn to go
instead I kneel
and wrap my arms around Your feet
as my tears fall

i will not withhold anything from You
and if ever i find my hands
wound tightly around something
that is not You
may i be faithful to place it into
an alabaster box
that i may be free to cling to You
the One whom my soul loves

a grateful heart song

“But when one turns to the Lord, the veil is removed. Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.” 2 Corinthians 3:16–18

forever free
©4-1-16 hannah mclean

You have torn the veil that i may
see You face-to-face
You have torn the veil that i may
touch the throne of grace
encompassed by Your Spirit
i am made forever free
oh my Jesus
what a wondrous work
Your blood has done for me

You have torn the veil that i may
know that You are mine
You have torn the veil that i may
know the One divine
my righteousness, but filthy rags
but Yours has made me free
oh my Jesus
what a wondrous work
Your blood has done for me

the veil no more before my eyes
Your glory let me see
transformed by Your mere presence
Lord, Your love has set me free

You have torn the veil, Lord
You have torn the veil
torn from top to bottom, Lord
You have torn the veil
where, o death, where is you sting?
o grave, your victory?
my Lord has made a way for me
and i’m forever free
oh my Jesus
what a wondrous work
oh my Jesus
what a wondrous work
oh my Jesus
what a wondrous work
Your blood has done for me

“Death is swallowed up in victory. O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting?” The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.” 1 Corinthians 15:54b–56 

“Do you not know that if you present yourselves to anyone as obedient slaves, you are slaves of the one whom you obey, either of sin, which leads to death, or of obedience, which leads to righteousness? But thanks be to God, that you who were once slaves of sin have become obedient from the heart to the standard of teaching to which you were committed, and, having been set free from sin, have become slaves of righteousness. I am speaking in human terms, because of your natural limitations. For just as you once presented your members as slaves to impurity and to lawlessness leading to more lawlessness, so now present your members as slaves to righteousness leading to sanctification.For when you were slaves of sin, you were free in regard to righteousness. But what fruit were you getting at that time from the things of which you are now ashamed? For the end of those things is death. But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the fruit you get leads to sanctification and its end, eternal life. For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 6:16–23