burn away the dross

 a purified cry
©12-14-2020 hannah mclean

oh to lock eyes
with Your eyes of fire
let them burn away the dross
You see into my
heart and soul
i will not suffer loss
for the fire of
Your faithful flames
makes pure
and right and true
and all that must
be burned away
leaves me nearer, Lord, to You

my heart
it burns within me
my soul
for You it longs
my life
it reaches heavenward
my spirit
pours out song

this i know,
Faithful and True,
i will endure the ashes
for the beauty
that is drawn by You
i kneel upon the altar
as a living sacrifice
burn away the dross
that when i rise
there stands
an overflowing fountain of new life

Your diadem befits You
as my cry begins to ring
“behold the Lamb”
behind me
before me
“behold the King”

-----
Revelation 19:11–13 “Then I saw heaven opened, and behold, a white horse! The One sitting on it is called Faithful and True, and in righteousness He judges and makes war. His eyes are like a flame of fire, and on His head are many diadems, and He has a name written that no one knows but Himself. He is clothed in a robe dipped in blood, and the name by which He is called is The Word of God.”

The Chasm and the Blood of Peace

I was in prayer the other night for our country, and my heart was drawn to the painful present overview of the response to the pandemic. As I prayed, I watched the land be split in two and the space grow between the 2 pieces of ground until a vast, bottomless chasm was left. In prayer, I saw on one side of the expanse the “haves”…the rich, the powerful, adults. And on the other, the “have nots”…the poor, the weak, children. As I watched the divide grow between the people, I looked at what was tearing them apart and separating them in such a grotesque way. Huge principalities of “fear,” “greed,” “pride” and “hatred” propelled the sides outward, and a call echoed throughout the divide, “Every man for himself!”

And as I looked upon the devastation of the “have nots” with even less, and the “haves” who had gathered more, I sat and wept before the Lord.

Eventually, I quietly, humbly asked Him, “What can heal such a divide?”

And He said, “The blood is the bridge.”
And He brought to mind this verse:

Colossians 1:19-20 (21-23)
“For in [Christ] all the fullness of God was pleased to dwell, and through Him to reconcile to Himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven, making peace by the blood of His cross.”

There are ones who can bridge the divide…who can walk across the chasm as if on solid ground. They are the ones redeemed by the blood of Jesus.

Why the redeemed?
Two reasons:
1) They are at peace with the LORD.

I told Nathan the other day that the least appreciated piece of the armor of God we have received in Ephesians 6 are the shoes of readiness. They way I understand these shoes is different than I’ve ever heard anyone explain them, so I will try to articulate how I see them. Ephesians 6:15 says, “and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace.” The readiness given by the gospel of peace: What is this peace the gospel has given us? It has justified us before our righteous Judge; it has given us peace with the Father, through the work of Jesus so we can enter into the very presence of God, just as Adam and Eve did before the fall in the Garden of Eden. Because of the blood of Jesus, we are at peace with our Maker. Do you know how powerful a position that is? I hope you do. It’s like the apostle Paul is wrestling with in Philippians 1 where he’s setting life and death before him and stating simply, hey, both have their benefits for me, where God takes me doesn’t matter because for me, “To live is Christ, to die is gain.” When we are at peace the the Lord, the demands of life, the opinions of people, and the dividing factors of fear, greed, pride and hatred lose their power over us. By the grace of God, we redeemed sinners carry with us the call to die to self and live out the love of Jesus in the world around us…come what may. Romans 16:20 says, “The God of peace will soon crush Satan under your feet.” OUR feet.

Which leads us nicely into the second reason:

2) The redeemed carry with them the power of the blood to make whole.

Remember in Luke 4 when Jesus stood in the synagogue and read from the scroll of Isaiah (chapter 61), He read verses 1-2a and stopped abruptly with the declaration that Him standing there that very moment was a fulfillment of Isaiah’s prophecy.

It’s one of everyone’s favorite verses to quote, but they stop too soon. So Isaiah 61:1-4 says:
The Spirit of the Lord God is upon Me,
    because the Lord has anointed Me
to bring good news to the poor;
    He has sent Me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim liberty to the captives,
    and the opening of the prison to those who are bound;
to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor, 

This is where Jesus stopped…declaring this portion was fulfilled in Him.

    and the day of vengeance of our God;
    to comfort all who mourn;
to grant to those who mourn in Zion—
    to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness instead of mourning,
    the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit;
that they may be called oaks of righteousness,
    the planting of the Lord, that he may be glorified.

If you have been redeemed and raised up by the finished work of Jesus—brought from death to life—He has planted you as an oak of righteousness for His glory….and He has done it with PURPOSE!

We find that purpose in verse 4:

They shall build up the ancient ruins;
    they shall raise up the former devastations;
they shall repair the ruined cities,
    the devastations of many generations.

At this moment, we stand in verse 4. Right now, through the Church AT THIS TIME, this verse is to be fulfilled.

We are to BUILD and RAISE UP and REPAIR. Looking out over this chasm, it is not the result of just the Pandemic…it is the result of ancient ruins and generations of devastation. We look upon the culmination of years of ruin and devastation; wickedness has taken it’s filthy hands and ripped apart the fabric of society and civility and dignity, it has celebrated the violence and violation of humanity because we are marked by the image of God, whom it detests.

The redeemed must rebuild upon the divide, because we carry the healing properties of the blood of Christ upon the white robes that cover our sin scarred bodies. Every place our feet tread should leave the mark of hope…the promise of possibility because we are the ones who KNOW the power of the blood…we’ve received the good news, our broken hearts have been bound up, we’ve been freed from the captivity of our side and released from our prison chains, we’ve been comforted, we’ve seen the Lord bring beauty from ashes, and praise from our fainting spirits…and we’ve known the utter glory and wonder of being made righteous by God Himself poured out for us.

And so, He says, Build up…raise up…repair. Because contrary to the call echoing across this charm of “every man for himself,” we do not seek self, we seek the eternal good of those around us, no matter which side of the divide they stand upon. We don’t have to bow to fear because He is with us; we don’t have to be consumed by greed when the One who provides for us has called us to pour ourselves out; we can humbly bear up under the disapproval of others because we’re at peace with the One who sees us clearly; we don’t have permission to hate because we are called to love with the greater love of Jesus that we have mercifully received.

The blood is the bridge. And if you are covered in the blood, you carry the materials for the bridge. So RISE UP, Church! Rise up and stand in the power of the God of Peace who will crush Satan under your feet.

laments upon the mountain top

 honest outpour
©11-24-2020 hannah mclean

Father
i lament
the severity of my weaknesses
the intensity of my deficits

before You i kneel
longing for Your all
expand me

expand my heart
my mind
my spirit
to receive
Your greater beauty
mercy
grace
and power

the greatness of
Your fullness
accompanies Your
mighty moves

set me in my place
for such a time as this

You have stripped me of
all desires
but to know You

my arms are splayed
before You
my heart is united
in fear and affection
my eyes locked upon You
in awe and wonder and worship

if i have only Your eyes
Your ears
Your heart
i hold within myself
the pinnacle of joy

oh Worthy One
ALL worship belongs to You
ALL praise learns its dance
before You
who both delights
and draws

i bow
my tears fall upon Your feet
and splash upon Your royal robes
 

washed by Your blood
my tears should stain
but leave instead
only the mark of gratitude

and i am overwhelmed

"yet, i will rejoice..."

Habakkuk 3:17-19 "Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls...yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will take joy in the God of my salvation. God, the Lord, is my strength; He makes my feet like the deer's; He makes me tread on my high places."

yet

©8-30-2020 hannah mclean

 

“...yet...”

the cry of the heart

rebelling against

the doubt

despair

desperation

of circumstances

and situations

“...yet...”

the rebellious declaration

that refuses

to follow the course

of rushing currents

but digs in its heels

and shouts

to smother pressures

of inevitability with

certainty that

there is One who

speaks the final word

“...yet...”

the word the

tramples doubt

with faith

that turns the

tables of “thoughs”

strengthening

the feeble knees

and emboldening

the drooping shoulders

with determination

“...yet...”

the battle cry

of the faithful

who has lifted

their eyes

to the One

who is not derailed

by things

seen

Sunrise

I’ve been hanging out in Luke 1-2, and it brought me a song: 

 

Sunrise

©9-19-2020 hannah mclean

O Glory of Israel

guide our feet

Light of Revealing

O Way of Peace

Rise, o Son

and shed Your light

Till darkness hides

and death takes flight

Salvation of Man

O Maker of Day

Your love, enduring

Your truth, the way

Rise, o Son

and shed Your light

Till sin’s no more

and robes wax white

Source of all Goodness

hope and song

Redeemer of lost

O Place to belong

Rise, o Son

and shed Your light

Till longings land

and eyes have sight

Bridge:

To know and be known

To be fully free

Your mercy, o Jesus

Our refuge, Lord, be

Is it I?

"Is it I?"

 

I keep thinking about this question.

 

In Mark 14, Jesus had just told His disciples that one of them was going to betray Him and turn Him over to His enemies, and instead of looking around and asking, “Which one of you is He talking about?“ They looked internally. They recognized with humility their fallibility…and with sorrow they looked into the face of the Lord they loved and asked, “Is it I?“

 

Is my heart that honest? My view of myself and of others so measured? Am I humble enough to remember that I am only the mercy-filled blood of Jesus away from the great atrocities I see around me? Are you?

 

“Is it I?” 

 

Micah‬ ‭6:8‬ ‭“He has shown you, O man, what is good; And what does the LORD require of you But to do justly, To love mercy, And to walk humbly with your God?”

You know

knowing
©6-1-2020 hannah mclean

You know
the details of all light shines upon
and the actuality hidden in darkness

You know
the heights of glory’s reach
and the depths of evil’s roots

You know
the multitude of chaos’ tangled web
and the paths of its unweaving

You know
the balance of justice’s scales
and the measures of its opposition

You know
the words and silences the ring out 
and the hearts that offer them up

and when my mind 
my heart
my understanding
cannot fathom the situations
i behold
i have but one place to rest

i know 
You

clarity and purity and beauty

where all is clear
©5-23-2020 hannah mclean

there is clarity
in the purity
in the beauty
of the Holy Holy Holy

untainted by sin
wholeness
untarnished
lacking nothing

Creator
of wisdom
of vision
of life

nothing is outside of
Your scope
never surprised
never startled
never afraid
because all is known

all seeing
amidst stillness
steady hand
without defeat

victorious
Almighty
God of Wonders
God of Miracles

You unscramble
what is twisted
distorted
and maimed

if i am to limp
it will be after You have
worked
not before

Keeper
Comforter
Finisher of Faith

i will eat
from the table
You have prepared
drink from the cup
You have shared
lie down in the pastures
You lead me to
and rest with the
quietness of waters
ever beside me

there is clarity
in the purity
in the beauty
of the Holy Holy Holy

Gun-Shy

There’s a really detrimental view of what walking out our faith journey with Jesus is suppose to look like; the American version of the gospel is that once we accept salvation, all will be rosy. But the reality is, growing in faith can be painful. And I want to be real and open with you about a current painful refining moment in my life. You might read this and recoil at the audacity of what I say out loud...but here’s the thing, I already poured all this out before Jesus and He still loves me. So I can lay out what is shameful about me because I don’t carry that shame anymore, He voluntarily took it from me when He climbed on the cross and let His blood flow for me. 

Recovering from delivering twins has been hard, my hormones are still so wacked out that one month my hair will be dripping grease and the next my eyes are so dry I have to pour eye drops in them continually. I realized yesterday that my typical urge to cast myself and my physical challenges at the feet of the Lord has been checked within me...I am gun-shy. 

Yes, you read that right, I am gun-shy about entrusting my health to the Lord. Meaning, I don’t trust Him with it. 

Yes, I realize how insane that sounds. I have spent the last 15 years intentionally placing myself in the Lord’s hands. He has sustained me through the violent ups and downs of my health; He has healed deep wounds my physical weaknesses have inflicted on my heart and mind; He has gently tended to me in the ordinary needs and in the unusual; He has provided me with strength when I have had none and hope when I have despaired; he has even used my health problems as a bridge to salvation. 

And yet, yesterday I laid down with my face to the floor and wept as this poured out of me:

———

i don’t trust you
i desperately long 
to cast myself upon You 
to rest my physical body 
in Your creating, sustaining hands 
with confidence 
that You will 
tend 
and not break

pushed repeatedly 
to the edge of despair 
though You have sustained 
my heart bears 
the scars 
of painful valleys 
of dark nights of the soul 
of endless days of waiting 
looking to the hills 
for help to come 
and finding only 
the rising and setting sun

i do not trust You 
i weep at my doubt 
ashamed that my heart lies wounded 
when you have blessed 
and carried 
and revealed 
through every moment 
of bleakness 
and dread 
and fear 
and floundering 
i feel abandoned 
entrusted to my own 
helpless hands 
holding nothing 
but the realization that 
my faith is too small

i know that You are 
good present living kind
Healer Hope life
abundant safe Refuge
strength Redeemer 

help my unbelief 
help me step from 
under the shadow 
of years lost 
and into the shadow 
of years found

a crushed reed 
i may be 
but it is only the might 
of Your hand 
that can bear up 
beneath the weight 
of its fragility 

Father 
i long to rest myself in You
i long to feel my fear 
dispel in the presence 
of Your love 
weak but unwavering 
hoping but not waiting 
content in my lack 
and in my gain

———

Because here’s the thing, I just somehow endured a twin pregnancy. And yes, it was full of miracles, but it was literally my greatest physical fear and I had to look it in the eye and plow through it for ~240 days. I walked out of my first ultrasound honestly believing I would die. I had to feel the pain and strain of it on my physical body knowing I never even started with what was required to see it through. 

And I’m gun-shy. I am afraid of what trials I may face within His hands. Because here’s the deal...I know that the Word says that “a bruised reed He will not break,” but I also know...KNOW...that sometimes the fact that the bruised reed doesn’t break is not because it has been given strength, but because He is kind enough to sustain it through the storms it must endure. 

And maybe I’m really afraid of the storms in front of me...the sound of rushing waters hit my ears and I do not know if they are in my path or not. And I long to trust. 

And Jesus, oh my Jesus. He is so tender with my sobbing mess. “Let Me bear those scars,” He said to me—faithless and broken and poured out before Him, “I have scars enough for you. The score your body keeps, let Me wipe away the marks of days lost and let Me write upon you a new score of days redeemed and days restored.” 

And how can I not trust THAT love after all these years.

the Refuge that never fails

my Hiding Place
©4-26-2020 hannah mclean 

You are my Hiding Place
Your wings close over me
when life brings
pain unyielding
fear overflowing
brazen unknowns
that sweep the stability
of my feet
downstream

You are my Hiding Place
Your wings close over me
shielding me from darkness
when sides too steep
create valleys too deep
to venture forth
or rise
Your presence
passes through
my fingers vainly covering
to show me light
in the dark nights
of my soul 

You are my Hiding Place
Your wings close over me
shelter
in the battles
that rage
inside and out
in the storms
that toss me
bruising
breaking
bewildering
in the many rushing waters
that threaten to
uproot the hope
dislodge the dream
distort the way
and
in the mundane sway
of waiting
waiting
day by day

You are my Hiding Place
Your wings close over me
when forgotten shadows
of times past
emerge within me
crippling the moment
marring the movement
of my present
i writhe beneath
the weight of
my weakest places
unafraid
to look
to feel
to weep
for i have learned
the ways of Your
mysterious healing measures
safe in Your shadow
mine yield

You are my Hiding Place
Your wings close over me
the Refuge
that never fails
fashioned from the everlasting stones
of Your love

wounds

a father’s voice
©4-24-2020  hannah mclean

your voice was not there
my life moved from darkness to light
my heart changed from stone to flesh
my soul moved from death to life
and fruit abounds from the changes that transformed me from within
i hold out my offering for Him
allowing you to look upon the firstfruits of my life
desiring to share with you the beauty of what had been done
by the Almighty’s hand
but you turn your back and leave me
looking at the basket I cling to with an eager grip
wondering if i have woven it correctly
uncertain if the fruit will please Him
wishing i had something better
something more
to bring my Father

when i needed to hear you say to me
“well done, faithful one”
when i needed to hear you say to me
“i see evidence of God’s grace in you”
when i needed to hear you say to me
“He delights in your worship”
your voice was not there

but it is not just the absence of your affirmation
it is the volume of your turned back
“He will not accept your worship”
it is the volume of your voice withheld
“your thoughts of Him have no value”
it is the volume of your averted eyes
“the best of you cannot bring Him delight”

your voice was not there
and all these years later i still find myself
longing for a father’s voice
to affirm my steps
to build up my faith
to stand beside me and to spur me on
not because i crave the praise of man
but because the wounds i carry
seek healing balm
as i purpose to require and desire nothing
but the One I long to please

seek the Lamb

Lamb and Lion
©3-22-2020 hannah mclean

there is a Lamb
there is a throne
there is worship to be given
there is a God who WILL be known

there is a Lion
there is a sword
there is honor to be given
to the One, true, living Lord

and if you do not
seek the Lamb
you won’t withstand
the Lion’s might
for the One who sits
upon the throne
embodies all that’s right
for the Lord who bids you welcome
stands as slain that you might come
before He roars
His second coming
and all creation
comes undone

there is a Lamb
and there is blood
there are sins that MUST be covered
that are rising as a flood

there is a tomb
there rose a King
there is redemption
laid before us
will you weep
or will you sing

for if you do not
seek the Lamb
you won’t withstand
the Lion’s roar
reach out for mercy and compassion
lest Grace’s offer
is no more