His power and His heart

The woman touched the hem of His garment.
She pushed her way through the crowds;
an untouchable woman stretching out her hand
to touch the One able to make all things new.
It wasn’t just that she believed He could heal her,
it was also that she believed He would.

It is one thing to have faith in the power of God,
it is another thing to have faith in the heart of God.
And to this I can attest,
if you know what it is to be the untouchable,
it is yet another thing altogether to believe in the heart of God
for you.

And so this untouchable woman with the courage to come
found not just a healed body from the hem of the Messiah
but a healed identity from the words He spoke over her.

Believe.
Believe not just that He is able,
but believe also that He is willing
and not just that He is willing,
but that He is hoping you would come and receive.


[Mark 5:24–34, Luke8:40–48]

The worship that lingers

It was an extravagant act of worship.
She took the expensive ointment and anointed the feet of Jesus.
The feet of Creator God clothed with the flesh of created man.
With great audacity, she unwrapped her hair and wiped His holy feet.
And with great audacity, He let her.

And it says, “The house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume.” John 12:3b

It filled the senses of those who observed it.
It filled the home where it had been poured out.
It lingered on the clothes of those who were there and followed them to their own dwellings.
It stuck to Jesus’ skin, leaving imprints wherever His feet stepped.

Mary’s worship lingered.
It lingered upon her head as a fragrant crown of beauty
reserved for the ones who bring whole-hearted worship.
And when she lay her head down that night,
the fragrance would remind her that He had received her.

And yet
both Mary and Messiah knew,
that the ointment was for anointing
that when the fragrance wore off
there would be a burial
for the heel which held the fragrance
would be bruised for the one who wiped it with her hair.

"Righteous men"

How many of us settle for the righteous life of Lot, when the Lord has called us to the righteous life of Noah?

This might not be a fun word to read, but my heart is unsettled and these are the words I have to bring you. My prayer is that you would hear me out and deeply consider them, I will include a prayer at the end as these thoughts keep pushing me to pray.

2 Peter 2:7–8 “And if He rescued righteous Lot, greatly distressed by the sensual conduct of the wicked (for as that righteous man lived among them day after day, he was tormenting his righteous soul over their lawless deeds that he saw and heard)”

Genesis 6:9b “Noah was a righteous man, blameless in his generation. Noah walked with God.”

To begin, I wanted to be clear that there is only one way to be declared righteous before the Lord, and that is through the atoning sacrifice of Jesus for our sins; if we accept His work of salvation on our behalf, He takes our wickedness and gives us His righteousness. That’s it. Our own efforts of external exertion can only produce self-righteousness, which has no ability to produce eternal life. We need Jesus to be declared righteous before God.

That being said, the Bible tells us that both Lot and Noah were “righteous men.” There are so many parallels between their lives, and yet, several stark differences.

Lot was Abraham’s nephew, you can read his story in Genesis 11–19. He was drawn to the city of Sodom, where he took up residence and partook of its prosperity. He lived his life in the middle of the wickedness that took place there, and the ways of the city took root in his family as it mixed in with his daily living. And when the Lord finally had to call Sodom to account for its evil deeds (not even 10 righteous people lived there), He sent angels to help Lot escape from his home…but the tangling of his life with the lives of those in Sodom had consequences, he lost his wife to her longing and his daughters had gained no knowledge to discern between right and wrong.

Noah was the son of Lamech, one of only eight to have witnessed both the pre- and post-flood world. You can read his story in Genesis 5–9. The world he was born into was overrun by evil, it says in Genesis 6:5 that “the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every intention of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually.” The wickedness of humanity that had taken such root that their lives produced only evil fruit all the time. “But Noah found favor in the eyes of the Lord.” He was a preacher of righteousness, living according to God’s plumb line of right and wrong, walking with God and not with man. And like in the story of Lot, humanity mounted the threshold to the door of just judgment, and God invited righteous Noah to escape. “Make for yourself an ark,” He said to him, and Noah obeyed everything God said. He did the hard labor of nearly 100 years of building in the face of ridicule and scorn, surrounded by the evils of unrighteous living, but set apart for the Lord. And the Lord preserved the people that He had made and marked with His own image through one man and his family. And under the rainbow of covenant, the eight of them rebuilt and carried on the good work God had created humanity for in the beginning.

When you read the stories, did you notice the similarities? God spared these righteous men from being destroyed by His judgment. Both of these men lived surrounded by wickedness, a lone light in a dark environment. Both of these men got to take their family with them.

But there are many differences too. Lot couldn’t leave without being pulled out…It says in Genesis 19:16 “But he lingered. So the men seized him and his wife and his two daughters by the hand, the Lord being merciful to him, and they brought him out and set him outside the city.” Lot lingered and he was spared by the mercy of God. But Noah, he was spared by his obedience to the invitation of God to receive mercy. God didn’t have to pluck Noah out, Noah rode above the waters of judgement by faith and the faithful labor of his hands in response to God’s commands and invitation.

The environments of both of these men was dark, but Noah had walked with God and lived according to God’s righteous ways while Lot had walked with the men of Sodom and struggled to keep and desire God’s ways because he had allowed the seeds of wickedness to grow in his internal garden.

I write this to encourage you to—as I have and am doing with myself—examine your heart and your ways before the Lord. God will save anyone who trusts in Jesus for salvation, but there is the reality of 1 Corinthians 3:10–15, where we are told that the sum of what we build upon the foundation of Jesus will be revealed by fire. Are you building well? Are you forming the structure of your life by the instruction and with the materials commanded by God (as Noah did, building the Ark according to the measurements and directions he was given)? Or are you setting up residence in structures made by human design and struggling as you waver between King and country?

Our God is a jealous God, He knows that our idolatry brings about the destruction of our souls, and in love He continually calls to us to walk whole-heartedly with Him. I’ve been studying the relationship between God and Israel, and I am struck again and again by the weight and detriment of mixing our lives with the culture in which we abide instead of setting ourselves apart for the God in whom we are invited to abide. Throughout the books of the minor prophets, we see a glimpse at God’s view of the mixed man who comes to worship: He’s like, “I reject your sacrifices, your words are empty and yours songs are appalling to Me. If you want Me to receive your ministry to Me, than seek Me on a heart level, and let Me align your life to My heart and My ways.”

God is merciful, and He WILL save the righteous man…but have we settled for the righteous life of Lot, or will we aim to be Noahs in our generation? Because the truth is, we are living closer to the Revelation than to Eden, and in those last chapters of the good Book we find this call, “Come out of her, My people, lest you take part in her sins…”

—————

Father, purge me with hyssop and I will be clean. Wash me, and I will be whiter than snow. [Psalm 51:7] Teach me Your way, Lord, that I may walk in Your truth; unite my heart to fear Your name. [Psalm 86:11] You are the only one righteous, Lord, I bend the knee to Your plumb line of good and evil. You have created me for Your purposes, conform my life to whatever You wish for it be; may I live whole-heartedly in pursuit of You and Your kingdom. Your will be done, Father; [Matthew 6:10] in my mind, my heart, my life and my walk. May I be fully surrendered to You; rooted in the truth of Your word and governed by Your Spirit. You are holy, holy, holy; purify my worship to reflect that You alone hold my heart. Keep me, Father, wrap me up in Your faithful arms and guard me from offending You. May my life bring You glory, honor and praise. In Jesus name, Amen.

how long?

 the fool who believed
©12-12-22 hannah mclean

i whimper beneath
this heap of broken things
the pieces of the crushed
the defeated
the battles lost
bury my body

strength long proven
too little
fight to climb out
too fleeting

how long?

why do i hear
the trumpet of victory
sound from
my enemy’s camp
when i lean on
the Greater Power?

the shame You promised
to bear away
has stacked itself
upon my shoulders

sin broke
and scorn remains

how long?

the enemy mocks
the seeming futility
of my faith
“where is your God?”

but i know who You are
i would rather be
the fool who believed
than the fool who scoffed

 

------

 

"Consider and answer me, O Lord my God; light up my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death, lest my enemy say, "I have prevailed over him," lest my foes rejoice because I am shaken." Psalm 13:3–4

Elijah in Hiding: Part 2

Back to the story in 1 Kings 19: So Elijah eats and walks through the wilderness to Mount Horeb where he finds a cave and settles in it. And there in the mountain, the Lord finally speaks—or maybe Elijah was just in a place where he could finally listen—either way, the Lord asks him a question and it’s the kind of question we hear Jesus ask throughout the new testament; the kind that cuts to the heart of the matter and draws the truth to the surface for us to see. “What are you doing here, Elijah?”

If his fear, fatigue and running footsteps didn’t bring to light that this conduit of the miraculous was “a man just like us” than his answer surely does. He brought to God the injustice he felt and saw, his sorrow, his loneliness, his fear. “I’ve stood in the truth of who You are, and I have stood there alone. I’ve watched the nation called by Your name become a forsaken place, void of Your voice and Your worship. There’s a price on my head, and I don’t know how to live here anymore.”

And YHWH, the one true God who Elijah lived his life in obedience to, chose this moment to magnify His heart to His prophet on the same mountain that He once wrapped Himself around in smoke and fire. He tells Elijah, “Go out and stand on the mount before the Lord.”

So Elijah waited in the cave for the moment when he was to stand and present himself. First he heard wind, it blew with such intensity that the rocks on the mountain broke into pieces. But the Lord was not in the wind, so Elijah waited. Then he felt the ground move under his feet. But the Lord was not in the earthquake, so Elijah waited. After the earthquake, he heard the crackle of fire and felt its heat warm up the cave around him. But the Lord was not in the fire. Then from his place tucked in the cave on Mount Horeb, Elijah heard a whisper, and he rose on his feet, covered his unholy face and walked out into the open air to stand before the One who brought forth this gentle sound.

The voice whispered to him, “What are you doing here, Elijah?” It was the same question and it brought the same answer from the lips of His prophet. But by this time the conversation was different because the Lord had settled Elijah’s heart so he was ready to hear. Elijah was given instruction for his next assignment…an assignment that came with the promise that this strenuous journey of carrying the word of the Lord to ears that didn’t wish to hear it (with all of the pain and trials that came along with it) had an endpoint in the passing of his mantle.

Now, this is the question in my study that brought about this dynamic meditation: “Describe the ways God revealed Himself to Elijah.” Let’s look at these sounds and I will tell you what revelations I see.

The Wind: The Lord showed Elijah His power. Ahab and Jezebel could tear down altars, dismantle orders of worship, destroy the temple and crush Israel’s witness to the nations. But this Mountain of God, where His voice had spoken both law and love, still stood. And as the wind raged before the Lord, the rocks of the mountain fell to pieces as the if the Lord was declaring, “I am all-powerful; the power of man comes with a shortened hand for there are things on this earth that only I have the power to shatter.”

The Earthquake: The Lord showed Elijah His position. Isaiah 66 begins with these words, “Thus says the Lord: ‘Heaven is My throne, and the earth is My footstool.’” When the Lord sets His foot upon the earth, it quakes beneath the touch of His holy authority.

The Fire: The Lord showed Elijah His Judgment. He alone has eyes to judge the earth with perfect righteousness, and in His sifting of wheat from chaff, there will be unquenchable fire that burns what is wicked in His eyes.

The Whisper: The Lord showed Elijah His heart. The meekness of God juxtaposed with His omnipotence as the King of kings held out His scepter to His beloved servant who cowered in the rocks of His mountain. This whisper drew Elijah to where God wanted him…near enough for Elijah to feel His breath upon his face as He spoke His words into his ear. He offered direction and reprieve, rounding out this picture of compassionate care for His own from bread to breath.

What an intense revelation! And it moves me that Elijah knew when to go out and stand before the Lord. God’s power would have crushed him, His position was too great, His judgment was not for His prophet…but Elijah needed to be reminded of these realities of YHWH. No, Elijah rose to his feet and drew near at the revelation of the Lord’s heart.

And that is why I was sitting on my couch with tear rolling down my face. May I never cease to be moved by the gentleness and affection of the One True and living God.

Elijah in Hiding: Part 1

I have been studying and meditating on 1 Kings 19. I encourage you to read it yourself, but I will tell it to you in my own words and offer you two of the things that have impacted in my heart:

Elijah had just come down from Mount Caramel, where he had made visible for Israel that YHWH was the one true and living God and that Baal, the false god they had been worshiping was not. Following this, all 450 prophets who were perpetuating this idol worship in Israel were put to death….and when the wicked King Ahab went home and told his wicked queen Jezebel the events that had unfolded that day, she didn’t bend the knee and declare YHWH to be God as the people of Israel had, instead, she vowed that she would kill Elijah THAT DAY.

Remember how it says that “Elijah was a man just like us” [James 5:17]? Well, even though he had just stood in front of all of Israel and watched the fire he had called down completely consume the offering and the stone altar it sat upon…Elijah was afraid and he ran.

For an entire day he ran deeper and deeper into the wilderness until he came to a broom tree where he curled up in the dirt beneath it and asked the Lord to take his life before Jezebel did. “I’m done, Lord, take away my life; I am as good as dead anyway.” And then he slept.

He was woken from his sleep by the touch of an angel who had brought him a meal. He was woken a second time when the angel told him, “Arise and eat, for the journey is too great for you.” So Elijah arose and ate and set out. Here is where we find out why he had run into the wilderness…it wasn’t just to die, he had a destination in mind and it would take 40 days to get there. He was headed to Mount Horeb (Also known as Mount Sinai, the mountain of God).

My first meditation comes from this half of the story. I found it worth considering what Elijah was running FROM and where he was running TO:

Elijah ran FROM the source of his fear. Jezebel was evil. From Elijah’s perspective she has successfully destroyed God’s prophets, His altars and the fear of God in the hearts of Israel. We all have things in our life that cause our feet to scurry in search of safer ground.

Elijah ran TO Mount Horeb. This was the Mountain of God. The same mountain where the Lord first spoke to Israel, where He met with Moses and gave him a glimpse of His glory, where He wrote the law in stone with His own holy finger. Ahab and Jezebel could tear down the altars and the people, but they could not destroy this mountain. This mountain reminded Israel that God meets with His people, and Elijah wanted God. This was no directionless running, he was was heading to the place he knew God had revealed Himself to His people before.

Man, I love that. Even though we see Elijah fleeing in fear, we see that the physical course his feet took was the same path that his spirit took when his vision was clear. His muscle memory, formed by years of looking intentionally to the Lord, instinctually brought him when he was in “flight” to where he needed to be: Where his Lord could be found. I know that God cannot be contained in a temple made by human hands—he’s not confined to a mountain or constrained beneath a steeple—but I know what it’s like when I can’t see Him to find myself wanting to go where I know He has been.

Psalm 84:5 “Blessed are those whose strength is in you, in whose heart are the highways to Zion.”
Psalm 71:3a “Be to me a rock of refuge, to which I may continually come.”

May I be a woman whose mind and heart and feet make their way continually to the Lord; may the grooves of my feet and the highways of my heart be so deep that even when my fear pushes me to run and hide, the course I take brings me straight to Him.

The widow's faith

We’re on 1 Kings 17:7–24 in BSF. It’s a familiar story of Elijah and the widow, but I can’t seem to shake it this time. I usually hear people talk about this story in a way that somehow glosses over the depth of it, or fixes its eyes on Elijah's portion…but my considerations have been of the widow. I have been processing through why I can’t seem to move my heart past her and here is where I have landed in regards to why my heart reverberates with this widow and her walk:

Let me tell you this story in my own words. Elijah had been living near a brook during a drought and the Lord had been sustaining him in miraculous ways…until the brook dried up. Then the Lord sent him to another place with the assurance that He had “told a widow to feed him there.” So by faith, Elijah went where the Lord sent him, and there he found a widow, just as the Lord said. From a distance, he called out to her and asked her for something to drink, and the widow’s like, “I’ll go get you some water.” But then he asks for something to eat. And the widow recognizes that this is the man God sent for her to feed, and she says, ”Look, Man of God, I haven’t prepared for your coming or made you any bread. Do you want to know what I’ve chosen to do right now instead? Every day I’ve been watching my food supplies run out as I look into the face of my hungry son. Today I am on the very last of what I have, so I’m getting sticks to build a fire and have one last meal with my son before we die from lack.” Can’t you just hear the weariness in her words? But in that moment where she had run out of faith, Elijah brought enough for them both, and he said to her, “Do not fear. Go ahead and make that bread, but before you eat it with your son, give me a little portion first. Because here is the Lord’s promise to you, ‘The jar of flour shall not be spent, and the jug of oil shall not be empty, until the day that the Lord sends rain upon the earth.’” Basically, if you walk by faith now, you will reap reward. So the widow did what Elijah requested. And the Lord blessed her faith.

But it says after many days, the widow’s son died. And she went to Elijah and poured out her frustration and despair, “This is on you! Your presence here does not strengthen my faith, it simply reminds me of the weight of my epic doubt, and even as I have walked daily in obedience to the command of the Lord, now He has taken away my son. It would have been better had we died together before this miracle.” 

And Elijah, he didn’t rebuke her or argue with her…he was a man who knew the pain of finding hardship on the path of obedience. He simply took her son, and stormed the throne room on her behalf. For many days he had watched her life, had eaten at her table, had bore witness to the growing discomfort of receiving a miracle her faith did not earn her. I love how without reservation, he poured out his confusion and desperation to God. “Lord, NO! Why would You take away her son?! There has been too much loss, bring him back to her, Lord. Give this weary woman back her child.”

And the Lord listened to the voice of Elijah, and He allowed him to return to the widow with her son, not in his arms, but by his side. Elijah said, “See, your son lives.” And the widow said, “Now I know that you are a man of God, and that the word of the Lord in your mouth is truth.”

I resonate SO hard with this widow. I know what it feels like to be facing lack and clinging to the thing you desperately want to flourish with no idea how to proceed. And then from that place the Lord saying, “I want more from you.” 

I remember the moment the ultrasound tech looked up at me with her wand on my abdomen and said, “There are 2 babies.” I went home and lifted my hands up to the Lord and said something along the lines of, “What are You doing?! Why in the world would You call me to carry TWO children when You KNOW that my physical body barely makes it out of single pregnancies alive…and even though I have survived thus far, two of my babies have not. I am a broken incubator, and I (and/or both of these babies) am going to die because of what You have called me to.” I did not faithfully stride forward in my twin pregnancy, I “gathered sticks” and wrestled my fear. And when the Lord brought me a word of promise, I did not watch with expectation, I watched with genuine curiosity at how He would carry my body to the end of the pregnancy…how He would draw from my lack what was required to grow two babies…because I knew the facts, namely, that I did not hold what was required to bring it to fruition. I lived. Jane and Sia lived. And my body, the thing that bore the physical strain of carrying two humans, thrived through what it never should have been able to endure. 

But let’s look again at the widow’s journey. Elijah’s presence and the daily miracle, it didn’t magnify the widow’s faith, it reminded her that she doubted God when He called her; it ate away at her that she hadn’t been stronger, hadn’t trusted God more, had counted Him too small. And when her son died, she couldn’t quite bring herself to ask the God she had doubted for another miracle…and so she reached for the faith of the man who she knew could. By faith, he brought back her son to her with breath in his lungs and life in his bones, and his word “see…” pushed through the veil of shame and drew her faith from flailing to flourishing. “Now I know…”

My body—the thing that endured against all odds only by the promise and power of God—it has crashed and burned since the babies’ birth. Failure and weakness seem to have spoken the final word over it, it grimaces up from the dust wondering how the God who called me to such a task would leave me in such a condition when I had looked to Him every day—imperfectly, yes, but wholly nonetheless. I find myself looking around, eyes searching for the one who will let me lean upon their faith-filled shoulder, who believes that the grim realities of earth are no hindrance to the God who made it, who will charge the gates of heaven on my behalf and cry out to the Lord who loves us both and say, “No! Give this weary woman back her health.” 

 

Because I am waiting. I am waiting for the moment of return…where the word “see” makes visible, and the “knowing” brings about the testimony I was promised.

I find encouragement in this widow. I may not yet be able to muster up the faith of Elijah as he stands on the top of a mountain beside a multitude of false prophets calling down fire on a sopping wet altar…but I can wrap my head around the faith of the weathered widow. I love that God brought together this unlikely pair of worshipers and used them in each others lives. Because I am certain that it is not an accident that for Elijah, the journey beside the widow preceded the altar on the mountain.