Shall we indeed accept good from God, and shall we not accept adversity?

I had sort of a rough day. I've had a lot of stomach pain for the last 3 days, and today, as I was driving home from dropping off friends at the airport (I had been unable to eat lunch with them because I couldn't take anything in), I found myself praying and heard myself asking God, "Why won't You help me? Why won't You help me?" Almost like I was asking Him, "Don't You care?" Those words were heavy words. The hung in my mind as I considered what they revealed about me:

my help
©6-1-10 hannah mclean

i listen to the words
that ring from my lips
in desperation
the sound of pleading pain
reverberating like a string
strummed too hard
“why won’t You help me?
why won’t You help me?”

they roll through my mind
and fall
with great
heaviness
upon my fainting spirit

but self pity does not ensue
instead i find myself exposed
doubting once again
the heart of God
for me

inside my mind
recalled blessings remind
lilies opening--displaying vibrant beauty
familiar faces--proclaiming Your faithfulness
love accepted--with undeserved marveling
cup overflowing

shall i accept good from the hand of God
and not adversity?
shall i sacrifice the blessing of suffering
in pursuit of comfort?
shall i crumble beneath burdens
to be laid at Jesus’ feet?

my cries may echo
“why won’t You help me?
why won’t You help me?”
but they are met by Your response
“I AM
and I want so much more for you.”


Job 2:9–10 "Then his wife said to him, “Do you still hold fast to your integrity? Curse God and die!” But he said to her, “You speak as one of the foolish women speaks. Shall we indeed accept good from God, and shall we not accept adversity?” In all this Job did not sin with his lips."

May the reality of God's heart for me never fail to penetrate my doubt.