Meditations on Psalm 84: The sparrow at the altar

For those of you who don’t know me personally, I am by nature incredibly fearful. To give you a glimpse into this, here is a story: For my birthday when I was very young (my mom said 2-years-old, although that seems incredible because I remember that day so vividly), my parents bought me a fly swatter...it stands out in my mind as the best birthday present I have ever received because of what it meant for me; it empowered me to face bugs instead of fleeing from them in a state of panic. I went carefully around the house, brave and equipped with my new weapon, ferociously pulverizing everything that even vaguely resembled a bug.

Even as an adult, I have found that I still have a natural bent toward crippling fear. But thankfully, I have learned to submit my fears as they arise to the Lord. In my mindseye there is a literal laying down of them at the foot of the cross, turning my back and walking away. Verses that speak of God conquering our fears are very real to me (such as Psalm 34:4 “I sought the Lord, and He answered me and delivered me from all my fears”).

And then I became a mother. Over the last 2 1/2 years, my life has opened up a whole new can of fears. As I observe the world around me (far and near), I feel as though my daughters have been born in the center of a den of lions--each waiting to pounce, shred and destroy. I observe statistics and patterns in culture that make my soul cringe, I hear stories of experiences that make me question all faith in humanity, I shutter my way through immorality, rebellion and deceit that make my blood curdle...and then I look into their beautiful faces. And sometimes, I weep.

I weep because I see their purity, their innocence and the carefree beauty that has been preserved thus far because they do not know what lies before or around them; I weep because I think that someone may steal it, or act against them in a way that would destroy their very core, or misuse, abuse or defile them; I weep because these fears break not only my heart but my very soul. To think of the mess they will have to navigate and the fruit of a godless society that they will have to wade through makes me want to hold them tightly in my arms and never let them go.

But life, and safety, does not work like that. I cannot protect them from all harm, I cannot live this life for them, or shield them from all darkness. I can only pray and do my best to make wise decisions for them.

This week has been particularly weighty for me surrounding the fears for their safety as I have watched the ruthlessness of sinful men poured out on one I love. As I have prayed over her, I have also found myself pleading with the Lord for my own daughters. The last few days, I have had the Spirit press on me the fact that God is- and the desire that God would be- my dwelling place. And then Psalm 84 lay open in front of me, and I found inside this lovely verse:

Psalm 84:3
“Even the sparrow finds a home,
    and the swallow a nest for herself,
    where she may lay her young,
at your altars, O Lord of hosts,
    my King and my God.”

You know, the sparrow is the most ordinary of birds. In Matthew 10:29 it says, “Are not two sparrows sold for a penny?” They are common and literally less than a dime a dozen. And yet in this verse it says that there is a place at the altar of the Lord not only for her home, but for her young...and there she is welcome to lay them down before the Lord of hosts. Matthew 10:31 goes on to say that I am "of more value than many sparrows" to the Lord. If the sparrow can come, surely so can I.

I also think it is lovely that this declaration of who God is is so perfectly placed here. My God is the Lord of HOSTS. The first definition that shows up in Webster’s Dictionary for “host” is “army.” My God is the Lord of ARMIES. Not only does He have a place for me to rest my home and my daughters, but He has the MIGHT to protect them. He has the POWER, the FORCE, the STRENGTH, the WEAPONS, the FIGHT to do it.

And so, I will dwell with and in my God; I will build my home at His altar and I will lay my children before Him...and no matter what I see or what fears fight against my peace, I will remind myself that my God is the Lord of Hosts. And that is enough.