Worn

Worn by Tenth Avenue North
I’m tired, I’m worn
My heart is heavy
From the work it takes
To keep on breathing
I’ve made mistakes
I’ve let my hope fail
My soul feels crushed
By the weight of this world
And I know that You can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

CHORUS: Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That You can mend a heart
That’s frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
Cause I’m worn

I know I need to lift my eyes up
But I'm too weak
Life just won’t let up
And I know that You can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left
CHORUS

My prayers are wearing thin, I’m worn
Even before the day begins, I’m worn
I’ve lost my will to fight, I’m worn
So, heaven come and flood my eyes

CHORUS
Cause all that’s dead inside will be reborn
Though I’m worn
--

Life has been hard lately...That’s just the way it is. I’m 10 weeks pregnant; I’m tired, I’m impatient, I am overwhelmed by life, babies and myself; I just need a break, to step back and take a little retreat into a peaceful place to be refilled. But I can’t get away.

I’ve had a hard time scheduling things because when it comes to going, I get super overwhelmed and stressed out, and then my poor babies have to endure my impatience and stress. I know that Myla is super needy right now BECAUSE of me...she’s a sensitive little creature. It’s a vicious cycle and place to be. I feel like I am constantly tending to the wants and needs of others and have no time to even take a deep breath and process what I need. And I know that motherhood is all about sacrifice, setting aside myself for the sake of my family...but though I truly love and am immensely blessed by motherhood, it is hard. I am worn out.

So today I am sitting in a coffee shop, I told Nathan I needed some time alone and abandoned him with the napping babies. On the way here, I heard the song above (Worn by Tenth Avenue North). The line that struck my heart in the car was this, “I know I need to lift my eyes up, but I'm too weak...” I looked up the full lyrics when I got inside and found that they really sum up where I’m at lately.

And that’s proof that God knows me.

Does He ever do that for you? Does He ever articulate your heart before you even begin to try (for me, not knowing where I'm at causes me distress in and of itself)? Does He ever minister to you before you even ask? Does He ever comfort you simply by letting you know, “Hey, I see you. I know your struggles. I haven’t forgotten you or left you or abandoned you. You may have to linger in this place, but I am lingering with you”? That’s what Jesus does for me. He’s kind like that.

Because here’s the truth: I know redemption wins. I know the struggle will end. I know the heart can mend, no matter how frail or torn. I know a song can rise. I know what’s dead can be reborn. Even when I’m worn. I know Jesus holds me together when my glue fails. I know He always pulls me closer the moment I turn my eyes in a panic to look for Him. I know He hasn’t overlooked my mess, even when there seems to be no end to the heap that’s on my shoulders. I know He has me firmly planted in the palm of His hand and that it is ok to fall apart because nothing can separate me from Him. That’s my Jesus. He’s kind like that.

when i am too worn
when i am too weak
though i languish
though i cannot speak
i do not have to fear
my failing
because You are Lord
ever prevailing
and it is ok if I must fall
as long as i fall into You