Questions in Suffering

I was just at a family retreat this past week, and a lot of the teaching was on standing firm through suffering and affliction. It got me thinking about some of the lessons I have learned as I have withstood the storms of life; I woke up each night thinking of the one I’m about to share, I never had a chance to share it while I was there, but I figured I would write it down in case someone needed to hear it.

I think it is a normal thing that in the face of loss, trial or pain we raise our voice and cry out, “Why? Why is this happening?!” Perhaps we search to find comfort in an explanation that will justify what we are enduring...As though, perhaps if we could get on board with the “whys,” we could more easily take on the loss, trial or pain. In the beginning of my adult life, this was the question I sat in.

Then I started to walk with the Lord and I bumped into the Truth that every moment of suffering has purpose (1 Peter 1:6, Lam 3:33, Rom 8:28, etc). That wherever the suffering stems from, God desires to use the painful moments of life to do great work within us. And I stepped past the “Why?” and began to ask, “What? What are You doing?” Perhaps if I could understand what refining work was happening in me, I could find within the explanation the strength to walk through it. So I would walk into my waves with my eyes open for the good work of my good God.

And many years went by. 

The last 3 seasons of suffering for me were excruciating. There were times I could not lift myself off the ground because the weight of it was simply too great. And I found that my question had changed once more as I would hear my voice cry out in raspy weakness, “Who? Who are You?” And the Lord would answer my cry with loving kindness and say to me things like, 
“I AM El Roi; I see you in your suffering." 
"I AM the Prince of Peace; I have peace for you here." 
"I AM Jehovah Rapha; the Lord who heals."
"I AM your Creator; you are not an accident or mistake, you were made with My intention."
"I AM Jehovah-Jireh; all that you need to be sustained through this season is found in Me. 
"I AM the Lord and I am with you.” 
And there we would sit in my ashes together until I could stand.

Because over time and rocky valleys, I have learned that knowing the whys and the whats will not sustain me. It is only in knowing the One who is with me in my suffering that will keep me to the end.