I woke up this morning after a good night’s sleep. I hadn’t had one of those at all last week. I felt strange when I woke up, like I didn’t know what it was suppose to be like to be alive anymore. I listened to two songs as I sat very still on the couch; one of them had been posted on a friend’s facebook page, and the other my sister had read the lyrics to at my brother Noah's funeral yesterday. And then I went to church.
God knew I was coming. As I sat through several songs of worship, my heart was weighted down by loss, and then the songs I had sung this morning started flowing from the worship leaders mouths...and then all around me others joined in until I sat amid God's people who had joined in the songs on my heart.
First they sang "Blessed Be Your Name":
“Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name
Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
STILL I will say
Blessed be the name of the Lord
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name”
It is important that you do not overlook the word “choose” in this song. For some reason, it seems of profound importance that I have made the choice to say in this time of remarkable loss and sorrow, “Blessed by Your name, Lord.” He is not forcing me to praise Him in my pain, or exalt Him in my weeping; I have chosen to praise Him in the giving and in the taking away because I believe Him to be deserving of all worship, no matter the circumstances. So today as the Lord offered to me this song, I laid at His feet an offering of praise and blessing as I looked down the road before me, fully aware of my wounded heart and soul.
And then they sang "10,000 Blessings":
“The sun comes up, it's a new day dawning
It's time to sing Your song again
Whatever may pass, and whatever lies before me
Let me be singing when the evening comes
Bless the Lord, O my soul
O my soul, Worship His holy name
Sing like never before, O my soul
I'll worship Your holy name”
I think of the psalmists who speak instruction to themselves in their places of darkness, who ask themselves blunt questions like, “Why are you downcast, o my soul?! And WHY are you disquieted within me?” and give themselves blunt answers to their doubt, fear, pain or displeasure (ie “HOPE IN GOD!”). I might have no idea what life should look like, and I may stand or sit at times as though I am completely lost, but for now I will simply give my soul instructions as to what is right: "Soul," I say, “Bless the Lord. Worship His name. Sing as you have never been able to sing before.”
God knew I was coming. As I sat through several songs of worship, my heart was weighted down by loss, and then the songs I had sung this morning started flowing from the worship leaders mouths...and then all around me others joined in until I sat amid God's people who had joined in the songs on my heart.
First they sang "Blessed Be Your Name":
“Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name
Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
STILL I will say
Blessed be the name of the Lord
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name”
It is important that you do not overlook the word “choose” in this song. For some reason, it seems of profound importance that I have made the choice to say in this time of remarkable loss and sorrow, “Blessed by Your name, Lord.” He is not forcing me to praise Him in my pain, or exalt Him in my weeping; I have chosen to praise Him in the giving and in the taking away because I believe Him to be deserving of all worship, no matter the circumstances. So today as the Lord offered to me this song, I laid at His feet an offering of praise and blessing as I looked down the road before me, fully aware of my wounded heart and soul.
And then they sang "10,000 Blessings":
“The sun comes up, it's a new day dawning
It's time to sing Your song again
Whatever may pass, and whatever lies before me
Let me be singing when the evening comes
Bless the Lord, O my soul
O my soul, Worship His holy name
Sing like never before, O my soul
I'll worship Your holy name”
I think of the psalmists who speak instruction to themselves in their places of darkness, who ask themselves blunt questions like, “Why are you downcast, o my soul?! And WHY are you disquieted within me?” and give themselves blunt answers to their doubt, fear, pain or displeasure (ie “HOPE IN GOD!”). I might have no idea what life should look like, and I may stand or sit at times as though I am completely lost, but for now I will simply give my soul instructions as to what is right: "Soul," I say, “Bless the Lord. Worship His name. Sing as you have never been able to sing before.”
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