Questions

What am I to do?
©9-7-12 Hannah McLean
For my Noah Boa

There is a place beside me
that you are suppose to fill
but these days
when I reach my hand out
to grab hold of you
I feel only air rush past my fingers
and an aching emptiness.

Without you
I’ve a gaping hole
within arms reach
the constant reminder 
of what is lost.

What I am to do?
Do I rattle around in this space that is now
too large for me?
Can I wedge myself in
by filling the gap?

If I gather all my memories of you,
will they shelter me from the
razor sharp edges of your empty space?
If I pour out all my affection for you
will it cushion my feet from the
spitting stones on the ground where you no longer stand?
If I pull together all the photographs of you
will they distract from the
heart breaking reality that I can no longer look into your face?

...Or if I collect all the things that remind me of you
will it only prove to magnify the gap between us
and the broadness of the expanse you’ve left behind?

What am I to do
when the air rushes through
my reaching fingers
and the gnawing ache of emptiness
overflows me?
What am I to do?