Purposing to push past page 1

I got a new book today. I opened it up and couldn’t even get through the first page because it went right over my head. Word after word...I had no idea what I was reading or even how to pronounce half the words. I closed the book, and for a few minutes, I sat there and felt stupid. I’m not used to feeling stupid...yes, I know there are more things I DON’T know than I DO know, but while I am aware that on the scale of knowledge I fall on the short side, I know I am a fairly intelligent person. The first page of this book, for a moment, made me doubt my capacity to understand its contents.

For a moment.

But then I opened my bible to Psalm 19:7–11, a place that always assures me that the Lord is the One who reveals His truth and His mysteries...and that they are worth searching out. 

“The law of the Lord is perfect, converting the soul; The testimony of the Lord is sure, making wise the simple; The statues of the Lord are right, rejoicing the heart; The commandment of the Lord is pure, enlightening the eyes; The fear of the Lord is clean, enduring forever; The judgments of the Lord are true and righteous altogether. More to be desired are they than gold, yea, than much fine gold; Sweeter also than honey and the honeycomb. Moreover by them Your servant is warned, and in keeping them there is great reward.”

As I read this Psalm, I prayed, and as I prayed, I thanked the Lord that I have not once felt stupid when I have read His word...even when I have not understood what I read, even though I have always known there were mysteries encased within that I have not yet even glimpsed, I have NEVER felt as though I fell too short when reading the word of God. Because, like this Psalm says, God is not just for the one who understands what the big words mean, He is also for the simple [that’s me] and for that I am grateful.

Will I open this book again? Yes, I will. It’s a book on eschatology (which I learned means “study of the end times”); diving into biblical history and interpreting the prophecies of scripture. Even in the short conversation with my husband after I prayed, I realized that when he tells me what these big words mean, I know the scripture he is describing, I just don’t know the terms that men have put on them. I will venture back in because I want to know and understand more.

Honestly, this area of learning is sort of scary for me...it forces me to trust someone for truth...I’m not good at doing that. I have been told a LOT of stuff over the years; I have been fed truth twisted by lies, as well as lies concealed under a facade of truth. We also live in an age of information where we are bombarded with people’s thoughts and opinions. Over the last 11 years I have spent hours and hours in scripture as the Lord has sifted my theology, blowing away the sand so that my feet rest on a solid, immovable Rock. The Bible is my measuring stick...if thoughts, opinions or musings don’t align with it, they are wrong. I don’t want thoughts, opinions and musings, I want TRUTH. But when it comes to eschatology, I can’t find what I need to learn inside the pages of Scripture, I have to trust someone for that information. And for me, that is scary. I am grateful for the Spirit inside me Who will be faithful to help me discern, and for godly, seasoned saints who I can trust to direct me to resources to learn from.

So yes, it might take me a while to get past the first pages of this book, but I believe that we are in a time where we must root ourselves as deep in the Truth as we possibly can. We MUST know what we believe and why we believe it and who God is and what the Truth is that we live (and may one day die) for, because there are winds coming that will rail on us and if we are not rooted, we will fall. 

“Seek the Lord while He may be found, call upon Him while He is near...” Isaiah 55:6

“Call to Me, and I will answer you, and show you great and mighty things, which you do not know.” Jeremiah 33:3

Comfort from the book of Isaiah

"O you afflicted one, tossed with tempest, and not comforted, behold, I will lay your stones with colorful gems, and lay your foundations with sapphires. I will make your pinnacles of rubies, your gates of crystal, and all your walls of precious stones.” Isaiah 54:11–12

words to His afflicted
©10-5-14 hannah mclean

o you, My afflicted child,
whom storms have tossed
and whose tired hands 
have failed to find comfort

I have seen you
in your struggles
caught your tears
and heard your fighting gasps

but you must know
with every breath filled with wonder
with pangs and fears you've felt alone
wisdom stood, unseen beside you
while holy hands, unseen, have honed

for you,
My dear afflicted child
you are the temple where I dwell
and it is I who bring your beauty

I have built you, my temple
I have laid beneath your feet
a foundation
that will not shake
on which I’ve fashioned walls
that will not fall
and raised up pinnacles
that will not topple
and I have filled you
with My all

o you, My afflicted child,
whom storms have tossed
and whose tired hands
have failed to find comfort

all is not lost
for if you, with hanging head
would open up your eyes
to look upon your feet
you would see what the pains
of life have borne you

for etched upon your foundations
and climbing up your walls
and set upon your pinnacles
I am covering you,
my beautiful dwelling place,
with precious stones

for you,
My dear afflicted child
you are the temple where I dwell
and it is I who bring your beauty

through and through and through

ascertain
©9-24-14 hannah mclean

You have kept me
You have carried me
You have stayed with me
through 
and through
and through

You did not bend
You did not break
You did not waiver
though I wondered
and wondered 
and wondered

You were always faithful
You were always patient
You were always enough
no matter
no matter 
no matter

and the voice with which
my soul now praises
offers depth anew
and the arms with which
my spirit raises
lift with strength in You
and the knees with which 
my body bends 
have known Your presence true

but had i not laid
in the rubble of life’s devastations
and looked upon the barrenness
of time flown by
i would not now know You
as I now contend You can be known
i would not now praise You
as I now ascertain You should be praised

for from the ashes
of life’s fires
i rise redeemed
untouched by flames
untarnished by smoke
but changed forever
by the One who walked the fiery coals 

with me

discarded discernment

by hannah mclean 9-3-14

my ears listen to
the words that flow
from those who claim
the name of Jesus
the Spirit grits His teeth
within me
fists clenched
as abomination after
abomination fall from lips
profaning Jesus’ name
and the Truth
for which He died

how long
will you lie
amid your opinions and twisted words
Holy Truths halved
and mixed with the man-made

mercenaries under the banner of Christ
fighting His ways
producing mud holes
miles deep and wide
ensnaring those who
fail to seek the Lord Himself
and entrapping them in
what is NOT
lest they venture further into
the realities and beauty of
what IS

do you not see
how quickly all is stolen from you
when you fail to set your eyes
upon the Holy God
and let them rest elsewhere

you do not discern
what others speak to you:
do not blindly trust
the educated theologian
who claims to know the Word
for you
do not blindly walk
in paths others have forged
who claim to follow the Lord
for you
do not blindly speak
the quips and blurbs that fall from
mouths of those
who claim to hear the Lord
for you

God has not left you to be
blind
He has not left you to be
deaf
He has not left you to be
uninformed
it is you that have chosen
to remain there

pick up the Word
open up the Bible
and fill yourself with the Truth
read and study and search
until the living Word
penetrates your soul
and the Spirit within you
springs to life
and nudges your heart
and stirs your mind
creating conviction
and understanding
and belief
so that when lies rage
you are not swayed
that when the rock of Truth is cemented
into the sands of man
you are not quick to
build your house on
what will fail

discern!
discern!
i beg of you
discern!

what good is it for a man
to gain the whole world
but lose his soul?
what good are the palaces of earth
when they forfeit your place
in the kingdom of heaven?
what good is
a gospel without a Savior?
what good is
worship brought by a worshipper who exalts themself?

for in the end
there will be those who say,
“Lord, Lord”
and to whom He will respond,
“I never knew you.”

it is the one
who walks in the will
of the Father
who values the glory of God
over the glory of man
who honors the Lord
who does not deny
the One whom their soul loves

Jesus died
that the scales you choose to
leave upon your eyes
would fall
Jesus died
that the heart of stone you choose to
keep within your chest
would change to flesh
Jesus died
that the sin you choose to
cling to for comfort
would lose its grip on you
if only you would come
if only you would listen
if only you would turn

there is ONE way
ONE Truth
ONE Life
and you do not get to choose
who God is
you only get to choose
whether or not you will bow
to Him
or to man

discern!
i beg you
discern!
for Jesus weeps
at your endless
swaying

--------

Oh saints in Jesus, I exhort you with Revelations 3:11:
"I am coming soon. Hold fast what you have, so that no one may seize your crown."

While on the battle field: Isaiah 40:13–14

During the 7th day of prayer in this 7th month of July during the 7 hour fast (An Urgent Call to Prayer), as I prayed I came upon these verses in Isaiah 40 which led to a time of deep repentance.

Isaiah 40:13–14
“Who has measured the Spirit of the Lord,
    or what man shows Him his counsel?
Whom did He consult,
    and who made Him understand?
Who taught Him the path of justice,
    and taught Him knowledge,
    and showed Him the way of understanding?”

What a twisted culture we stand in. What arrogance exudes from created men and women who turn their faces from Truth with proclamations of something greater, something more tolerant and just, something more knowledgeable and progressive, something that could offer understanding to the all-knowing, all-powerful, all-wise, all-worthy Creator of their minds and the bodies that house them. How filthy the hands that smear dirt on the purity of Truth as they shove shame down the throats of people who uphold their Maker as the ONE authoritative Lord and King; how devastating that so many of these hands belong to those who claim to walk under the banner of Christ.

Have we “progressed” to a position greater than perfect and holy God Almighty? Have we established something more just than the One who is both the just Judge and the Justifier? Have we become so wise in our own eyes that we think we have something to teach the One who possesses all wisdom? Have we raised ourselves higher than the One who sits enthroned above all that exists and holds creation together by His word and power? Do we think the One true and living God is so small as to require our counsel, our assistance in helping Him understand what is good and right and just and true?

Because if that is where we stand, we should remember this: “Therefore God has highly exalted [Jesus] and bestowed on Him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father. (Phil 2:9–11)”

It does not matter who we are in our own eyes or in the eyes of those around us...it matters only how God see us and who we are in Him or apart from Him. And though we may deny the Way, the Truth and the Life, one day we WILL take our rightful place before Him; we WILL bow to Him and we WILL confess Him to the glory of the Father. No exceptions.

Therefore....Humble yourself before Him that HE may exalt you; repent of the foolishness you have presented as wisdom, the sin you have presented as righteous, the pride you have presented as progress. God is the one who has all wisdom, understanding, justice, knowledge, power...there is nothing we can add to His perfection.

While on the battle field: Psalm 91:13

During the 7th day of prayer in this 7th month of July during the 7 hour fast (An Urgent Call to Prayer), as I prayed I came upon this verse in Psalm 91.

Psalm 91:13
“You will tread on the lion and the adder; the young lion and the serpent you will trample underfoot.”

What fuel for prayer! We hear the devil referred to in scripture as a roaring lion who prowls about seeking someone to devour (1 Peter 5:8) and as the serpent who deceives the whole world (Revelation 12:9). In Christ we will TREAD on this lion and adder...and even greater still is this: we can quench his handiwork--the sin that threatens our children--by trampling out the seeds of sin that have been birthed in this world before they grow from cub to king of the jungle, from small snake to venomous, strangling, hissing serpent. 

Oh to fight on the battle field of prayer, wielding the weapons of Christ in spiritual battle for the souls of the young in our culture, that they would grow up free from the sting of the serpent and roar of the lion. We can trample down the seeds planted before they bring forth fruit in the new souls, lives and hearts of those whose faces look forward into the unknown future of this nation.

Christ is already victorious: We fight a vanquished foe. Let us forge forward on our knees to keep the evil at bay as we stand in the gap for those who walk behind us.

A piece from a puritan prayer from the Valley of Vision:
"O Lord,
I bless Thee that the issue of the battle
            between Thyself and Satan
            Has never been uncertain
            And will end in victory.
Calvary broke the dragon’s head,
            And I contend with a vanquished foe,
            Who with all his subtlety and strength
            has already been overcome.
When I feel the serpent at my heel
May I remember Him whose heel was bruised,
But who, when bruised, broke the devil’s head.
My soul with inward joy extols the mighty Conqueror."

Lessons from the wilderness

I went to a bible conference in Iowa this past weekend, we explored a little bit of the life of Moses; what a man, what a life. During one of the messages, we looked at lessons Moses learned during his 40 years wandering in the wilderness. I thought it would be beneficial to me to consider the things I have learned over the past 2 years of my journey through the wilderness I have trudged, walked, ran, crawled, wept and whined through. I am grateful that Moses’ God is also my God.

------------

MY LESSONS FROM THE WILDERNESS:

God provides strength for my moments simply by His presence...even if I do not have within me the power to lift my own head.

God doesn’t want me to go back...even if “back” is a good place.

I cannot and will not leave the desert unchanged.

God knows my limitations and never shames me for my weaknesses.

In the wilderness, my bottom line is revealed. (The depth of my heart, what I desire most, what is above all else...)

When distance is felt between God and myself, it is always on my part, not His.

Before the Lord, “weak” is a perfectly acceptable state of being.

God is very gentle...and the sharper the pain, the more threatened I am by doubt, the more heavy the load...the more gentle He is with me.

God is enough...in Him I have everything I need.

------------

These are a few that came to mind, some profound realities that have comforted and kept me as I have struggled, flailed and faltered since Noah died.

Shall we indeed accept good from God, and shall we not accept adversity?...For He does not afflict willingly, Nor grieve the children of men...You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; You have loosed my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness, THAT my glory may sing Your praise and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give thanks to you forever! (Job 2:10, Lamentations 3:33, Psalm 30:11–12)

There is ALWAYS purpose to the suffering the Lord brings or allows into our lives. To me, that makes all the difference. I know that it is the twisted depth of my own nature that sometimes requires such intense pain to make straight what has been distorted, to rebuild what has been improperly erected, and to lift me from the derailing ruts I have fallen into over time. God loves me too much to leave me as I was; He desires my holiness and my wholeness and will go to any length to draw me fully to Himself.

Blessed be the name of the Lord.