Strength in weakness?

Today in church, we sang a worship song with the lyrics “All of You is more than enough for all of me, for every thirst and every need. You satisfy me with your love, and all I have in You is more than enough.” Then the worship leader read this passage from 2 Corinthians 12:9-10: “My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

I found myself shaking my head, so I sat down, and this is what I wrote:

“I know that You are MORE THAN ENOUGH for not just all of me, but all of everything. I KNOW that when I am weakest, I am strongest because You are ALL of my strength...But Lord, right now, I do not delight in my trials, my hardships, my pains; I do not boast gladly in my weaknesses...I do not rejoice in them, and I do know what that feels like. I am instead in a state of sorrow over them. My soul languishes as I tell myself Your truths with the hopes that my heart will believe them and allow the truth of You and Your sufficiency to replace the mess inside of me. It is a new time of holding on to Your promises and to Your truths while very little (if any) parts of me FEELS them to be true. But You know exactly where I am, and even in my floundering, I feel and see that You are gentle with me; I see Your hand moving around me, trying to dissipate my fears with Your kindness and Your love. 1 John 4:18 “Perfect love drives out fear.” I know You do not condemn me or shame me because of where I am. I know You open my eyes to see only what I can take in at that moment and that it is ok with You that I am right here. So if I have to settle in this place of great discomfort for this time, I ask only that You don’t leave me; don’t leave me alone and don’t leave me here.”