A prisoner of hope

“Return to your stronghold, o prisoners of hope; today I declare that I will restore to you double.” Zechariah 9:12

I don’t even know how to begin writing my thoughts on this passage; I am at a place where these words hold such weight and promise that I just have to sit for a moment when I am finished reading them to gather myself before I can proceed.

When reading this verse in the past, I was struck by the phrase “prisoner of hope” and considered it with curiosity. At one point it even inspired a poem, but the phrase never resolved in my heart and I moved past it with a sense of wonder that a generally negative word like “prisoner” could be used in relation to such a lovely word as “hope.”

But during a time of prayer the other day, this phrase set upon my heart with affirmation on the depth of identity. I am a prisoner of hope.

I am a prisoner of hope: I am bound to it, I cannot shake it, I cannot move beyond it, I cannot ignore it...I find myself with conviction of promise in the face of real impossibilities. And as I have looked back over my life since I began walking with Jesus, I see my beautiful "chains" again and again. Let me explain.

Over the last 12 years of my life, I have learned Who God is. I have discovered through His word and prayer and people what are His character, His nature and His promises. I have learned to recognize His voice and to trust the Spirit. I have found Him to be proven and sure and the ONE thing that is certain.

I have also become convinced of His worth, His goodness, His power, His beauty, His faithfulness...and I have found that no matter what life has thrown at me, He has held me and drawn me both to Himself and through the fires where I have emerged victorious and fortified on the other side. And even the battles that currently rage around me have found themselves unable to separate me from this true and magnificent God.

If the Lord has said it, it will be/it is true/it will stand. I am certain of this; not because I can tell you how He will do what He says He will do, but because I know who He is and that He is able to accomplish what He has said He will accomplish.

So here I am, 10 days till the new year begins; my health is worse than it has ever been in my entire life, the state of my body more devastated than it has ever been, the solution to how it can even be repaired from the pit it slumps in is beyond my understanding. But I find myself encouraged, excited and eager. My journal no longer is counting up (Day ___ of praying/waiting/praising for healing), it is now counting down (____ days till healing). And sometimes I feel crazy, because looking into my situation, WHY should anyone in their right mind think healing would come? When there aren’t even answers to the problems that lie inside me, WHY would I think that my health could be resolved?

But Zechariah explains it, I am a prisoner of hope. I cannot shake the promise of the Lord to me. I can’t stop believing that what He said will be...and instead of looking at the 10 days before me and the 15 years of damage done to my physical body and curling up in a hole of despair, I for some reason am feeling uplifted and excited that this is almost over. Why?! Because I know who God is and what He said and what He is able to do...and no matter how much I or life or well-meaning people try to adjust my expectations, here I am.

Because “faith is the ASSURANCE of things HOPED for, the CONVICTION of things NOT seen” (Hebrews 11:1). And I am assured and convicted...a prisoner of hope in the faithfulness, promise and love of the One True Living God.

My season is changing, come January 1, 2016, I will either be healed or healing. And in that, this prisoner of hope rejoices at the utter kindness of her loving Father.