A painful laugh

I was journaling, and I wrote that someone at work had made a comment to me about a good place for me to bring a date and I had laughed...and suddenly, it made me really sad that I found the thought of me being in a relationship to be laughable.

Marriage-Verse 1
©3-31-08 Hannah Muonio

I hate that I laugh
at the thought
of a heart's desire satisfied
That hope once
dancing atop
Your promises has been beat down
I hate that possibility
has dissipated
and absurdity has taken its place

I hate that I laugh
at the thought
of a heart's desire satisfied
Because it means
I look into Your face and say
"I don't believe."

Let Your faithfulness
restore my hope
And Lord,
not my will
but Yours be done