Singleness

My current thoughts on singleness
(and by current, I mean this particular moment in time)
© 2/16/09 Hannah Muonio

I am a single woman
I feel like every time I reach out my hand to change that
God says, “No. Bad.” and swats my hand away
like I’m a little kid reaching for some delicious baked good
that I can’t have
I find the situation a bit amusing
strangely interesting
and sadly frustrating
I am a single woman
I mostly like being single
I like the freedoms that come with it
the fact that I am mobile
and that when I want to do something
the only One I have to arrange things with
is God
I mostly feel satisfied with who and what
and where I am in life
But contentment doesn’t really touch on the confusion....
why NOT me?
Why did God create me the way He did?
Why does He keep me from what He seems to have designed me for?
But then, what do I know?
His ways are far above my ways
His wisdom far beyond me
it’s not that I doubt His goodness or that He knows what He’s doing
I just wish I understood
I am a single woman
everything about the way I was designed
points to serving the Lord alongside a man
and sometimes
I feel like a bundle of wasted gifts
kept by the Giver
instead of given to the recipient
Forgive me, Lord,
but I don’t get it
And so I ask You
please keep me so I don’t seek
what is outside of Your will for me
I am a single woman
and if this is where You want me
then here is where I’ll stay
And I’m sure that eventually
I will stop reaching for some gluten-filled pastry
that wasn’t meant for me

Life is so complicated.
*laugh*