that You may be ALL

nothing and everything
©10-10-10 hannah mclean
ephesians 1

i thank You that
You let me know
understanding that to the core of me
i am nothing
apart from You

more than pain
more than despair
more than fear
at this reality
is joy that fills me
is hope that engulfs me
is comfort that upholds me

You are my all
the fullness of all of me

where the world tells me
to lament
instead i dance before You
enriched and satisfied
by You
in You
for You
through You

satisfied to be
nothing in Your presence
that You may be
all that You are

picture: surrender

Here is the picture God gave me: I am up on Your throne. Finding myself the size of an infant, I crawl backwards off Your throne and backwards until I am in my rightful place–bowing before it.

surrender
©9-17-10 hannah mclean

who am i–
self-exalted
sitting without authority
upon Your throne?

looking around
my eyes open to reality
why am i where only You belong?
i tremble at my smallness
dwarfed by the enormity of Your reign

i crawl backwards
off Your throne
my feet hit the ground
with a deafening thud
my hands and knees follow

i crawl backwards
to behold Your throne
rising immense before me
grateful to be where i belong–
bowing before You

who am i–
surrendered
basking in Your mercy?
i know that while You should cast me away
instead You accept my surrender
and my worship

who am i?
i am blessed
blessed to bow to You, my King

perseverance=fruit :)

Romans 5:1–5 "Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance [perseverance], and endurance [perseverance] produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us."

perseverance
©9-16-10 hannah mclean

when i consider the places
i have walked
crawled
ran
and stumbled
the theme of perseverance
floods my mind
heart
soul
and spirit

prolonged trial
requiring choice:
to trust You
or to deny and seek another way

impatient nature
displaying ability to suffer long
You are the only way
such transformation has progressed
beautiful Lord
i can only praise You

Hope that does not put to shame
holds me upright
Holy Spirit
mold me as You will
steady my steps
as i persevere
to the end

Revelation 3:10–12 “Because you have kept my word about patient endurance, I will keep you from the hour of trial that is coming on the whole world, to try those who dwell on the earth. I am coming soon. Hold fast what you have, so that no one may seize your crown. The one who conquers, I will make him a pillar in the temple of My God. Never shall he go out of it, and I will write on him the name of My God, and the name of the city of My God, the new Jerusalem, which comes down from My God out of heaven, and My own new name.”

"O Lord, open my lips, and my mouth will declare your praise." Psalm 51:15

Isaiah 6:5–7 And I said: "Woe is me! For I am lost; for I am a man of unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips; for my eyes have seen the King, the LORD of hosts!" Then one of the seraphim flew to me, having in his hand a burning coal that he had taken with tongs from the altar. And he touched my mouth and said: "Behold, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away, and your sin atoned for."

lips that deprive You praise
©9-13-10 hannah mclean

forgive me of these lips
that have deprived You praise
when only endless worship
could declare your worth
i lament the words that displace You

woe am i of unclean lips
meet me with the coal
offered on the altar
and extended to Your own

forgive me of these lips
that have deprived You praise
when Your faithfulness shines
on my darkened soul
i lament and flee from idolatry

woe am i of unclean lips
meet me with the coal
offered on the altar
and extended to Your own

on my knees i plead
forgive me
open my lips
that i may declare Your praise

hot, cold or lukewarm?

Your covering
©9-13-10 hannah mclean

i shiver
cold without Your covering
which i have pushed aside
yet again

why do i insist
on walking alone?
why does my heart wander
seeking familiar places
far from You?

why do i flee the wrong direction?
slamming into walls
tripping over debris
scraped and bruised and weakened
i shiver

faithful Father
it is You who open my eyes
to behold my gaping flesh
and the dark places in which i fester
it is Your hand that lifts me up
and carries my limping body
to the place from which i wandered
it is Your heart, moved by compassion,
that will not leave me
even when i push you aside

You warm me with Your covering
till i am ablaze with praise

pieces of poems

Colossians 2:9–10, Psalm 16:11
©hannah mclean

Filled by Him in whom all fullness dwells
Filled in Him with whom there is no wane or swell
Complete in perfect measure is
He who need not change
Bowing, we reach out to claim
the fullness of His name

____

Psalm 31
©hannah mclean

When troubles assail me
when trials derail me
when burdens outweigh me
when sorrows dissuade me

I trust in You, O Lord;
I say, “You are my God."
My times are in Your mighty hand
and I stand.

___

Mark 12:41–44
©hannah mclean

the two copper coins echo as they fall
ringing out a humble widow’s offering of all
a gift that’s far too short to meet the world’s demands
belittled when viewed beside the rich man’s hand

but You say to the ones who follow You, “come see,
an offering that’s worthy of Me
a greater gift than what the others give combined
for all she has was offered from her palm to Mine”

how glorious Your measure
how merciful Your pleasure

Sadness surrounding acceptance.

This is something I've been thinking a lot about, feeling the pain and sadness of, and coming into realization of the realities of my situation. It may come across as harsh, but I am hoping it comes across as direct and honest as I have attempted to articulate what is most likely too deep for my words:

ACCEPTING you
does not mean that I must
AGREE with you
and AFFIRM your choices.
It means I take you
as you are.

Somewhere along the way, our culture has twisted the word acceptance, seeking from it what it is not required to, and often cannot, give. I live in a culture where the majority of people hold, model, uplift and celebrate beliefs, practices and worldviews that I do not agree with. To the best of my ability (I am a work in progress who is learning daily), I walk in the truth of the bible, and as “narrow” as that may make me, it is not a book of truth that I designed; it has been laid out for me by the one true God. If I am “narrow” because of it, it is not actually I who offend you.

However, like I said, I live in a pluralistic society; a society that celebrates things that grieve my heart; a culture that denies that there is one truth and clings to the belief that they get to do “truth a la carte,” picking and choosing what they want to be real and discarding what they don’t; a culture that calls for acceptance.

To the best of my ability, I seek to take people as they are. I don’t cram my religious beliefs down their throats, insisting they take ahold of them. I don’t set out with motives of changing people’s minds when I speak with them. I attempt to listen and understand a person and their experiences.

But do I speak and live out what I believe? Yes, I do. Not perfectly (since I am human, and all), but often with more conviction than many, because I am fully convinced of the one true God of the bible to Whom there is only one way, Jesus Christ.

What frustrates and saddens me is that often times before a person will receive or believe my acceptance and love, they have placed a requirement on me that I first must agree with their choices and affirm their way of living. This is an unreasonable requirement, because in the light of my beliefs and convictions, I cannot do so without severely dishonoring my God and watering down the name of Jesus.

I often find myself wanting to yell, “WHY are you insisting that I judge you?” I am not called to judge my fellow human beings, I am also not called to affirm or agree with them; I am called to love them. And, I am not called to love them the way they may want me to, I am called to love them as Christ loves me.

So, let me tell you about Christ's love for me. 1 John says that “this is love; not that I love God, but that HE loves me and laid down His life for me.” My love is fickle; it would rather walk away from unlovable actions and personalities; it is based on feeling and the whim of my swaying heart; it has me, my happiness and my comfort at the center; its actions often come from a longing to fill empty space with an object to love. WHY would someone want THAT, when they could be loved God’s way? God’s love for me is entirely different: It is unchanging, committed love with pure motives and promise backing it up; it springs from fullness and a desire to share the joy of fullness of love with people; it is sacrificial, willing to undergo death itself for the good of its enemies; it transforms by its mere presence because it desires more for us than our love for ourselves allows; it pursues the unlovable, the outcast, the sinner with passionate persistence and kindness beyond what we could imagine or even know to desire; it is offered at a great price, one that can never be repaid or earned; it is complete and does not demand or take from the one it lands upon; it is merciful, gracious, patient, firm and shepherding; the one who dares receive and believe it cannot help but respond with everything they are, have and desire.

I believe what the bible tells me is true: I am a sinner who has separated myself from the One true God, who is perfect and just. I cannot restore that relationship myself, but God, in His infinite love and mercy, sent His son Jesus to bare the wrath and punishment my sinful actions require for pure justice to be upheld and deep relationship to be restored to the One I have offended. There is only way to God; Jesus Christ, whom everyone has the opportunity to cling to through grace by faith. God Himself, sent Himself (Jesus) to save us from and for Himself. That is what I walk in.

And while these beliefs may not allow for me to affirm your choices or agree with your worldview, they call me to love you as and where you are. Whether you are willing to receive what I can offer or reject me because I cannot give what you demand is entirely up to you.

moved to worship by His love

sold
©8-2-10 hannah mclean

sold
i am sold out
for You
eyes closed
heart soaring
worship flows for You alone
all laid out before You
naught withheld

joy sustaining

longing for You
to receive Your worth
unable to provide from my hands
but all i am
all i have
is laid out before You
offered in love and thanksgiving
at the foot of Your throne

joy overflowing

sold
i am sold out
for You
Your presence my desire
Your mercy my hope
Your glory my goal
Your worth my worship
tears pour
a mere sprinkle
in the presence of Your lavish grace

though my lips are silent
as i kneel before You
joy and worship sweep
through and around me
like a uplifting wind

one word rolls through my mind:
sold

i am sold out
for You,
my Savior
my Lord
my King

joy everlasting

Praying for "the answer for my tongue"

Proverbs 16:1 The plans of the heart belong to man, but the answer of the tongue is from the LORD.

approaching the petrified heart
© 7-28-10 hannah mclean

how do i approach the deaf ear;
the eyes with vision blocked by brick-laid walls
piled high from decades of objection?
how do i stand before the scoffing mouth;
the heart that lays petrified from years in arid deserts
surviving through adaption in the blazing sun?

and yet, You have prepared the way before me
building bridges across the vast ravine
that separates this one from You
You have opened the door to the very core
of who and where they are
and i feel Your pressing
moving me to walk through

Father, i have given You my lips
a submitted mouth
willing to go to whom You send me
willing to speak what You command

pour forth Your words of truth
in love
You promise the answer for my tongue
lead with the rod and with the staff
in wisdom
which You promise to abundantly provide

Lord, what do i say to the one who waits
with expectation to be crushed
as the brittle foundation they've settled upon
teeters precariously with every passing breeze?
how do i approach the one who cowers fearfully
behind all that they cling to
coping instead of hoping?

Spirit, fill me
move through and in me
and i will do whatever You wish
knowing this:
only You can penetrate the petrified heart

a song of longing and lament

longing for more
©7-22-10 hannah mclean

make me deeper
i’m too shallow
bring life to my fallow ground
wake me from
my dampened stupor
let me hear Your hallowed sound

CHORUS
into Your mercies
Lord, lead me further
into Your glories
Lord, let me see
into Your majesty
Lord, may i marvel
into Your holiness
Lord, set me free

draw me nearer
i’m too distant
move my feet to Your pierced side
pull me from
my lingered roaming
let me in Your love abide
chorus

higher, deeper, fuller, nearer
i long for more of You (repeat as needed)

tongue tied until it is time

waiting for words
©7-17-10 hannah mclean
Revelation 2:18–29

heart bursting
mind swirling
tongue tied

oh, for the words that elude me
i pray
my mouth is surrendered to You
may Your words fill it
replacing mine

deep truths weigh on me
tears stream from my unveiled eyes
undone by what You reveal
i pray

how does one articulate
depths beyond language
where understanding comes
from places unseen

knowing through Your showing
truth penetrating my once hard heart
now soft and bleeding Your blood

i pray
rightly place my zeal
mercifully clarify my longings
justly purify my fervor

oh, for the words that elude me
i pray
my mouth is surrendered to You
may Your words fill it
replacing mine

--
Isaiah 50:4 "The Lord GOD has given me the tongue of those who are taught, that I may know how to sustain with a word him who is weary. Morning by morning He awakens;He awakens my earto hear as those who are taught.

for my love

deep will call
©6-27-10 hannah mclean

i know what you desire
in the heart of your heart--
to know His love
surpassing knowledge

i see His faithfulness to promise
granting your desire
but the path winds through the depths
where your deep will call to His

pained
i wrestle for you in prayer
but surrendered i have vowed
to walk through the valleys with you

"I am the rose of sharon, a lily of the valleys." Song of Solomon 2:1

the Lily in the valley
©6-26-10 hannah mclean

voices cry to You from the valleys
where the shadows of the mountains
have eclipsed Your light
echos return

wandering though the deeps, seeking
knowing You will not forget Your own
revelation of Your presence comes
from the lily

You are the Lily in the valleys
opening Your petals to declare
Your longing to bless us
displaying Your beauty to radiate
Your desire to delight us
blossoming in the depths to remind of
Your offer of eternal hope

once found, feet forget to move
planted beside Your blooming brilliance
basking in the pleasure of
beholding You

but You are not content to leave us
in the valleys when the heights call for
our crippled souls by name
echos return

You are the Lily in the valleys
a hint of what is
a whisper of the fullness of the mountains

may the discovery of You in the Lily
stir in us a longing for You
nurture in us a desire You
spur us on to offer all to You

but may we not forgo the heavenly heights
for the valleys
where the Lily blooms but for today

Shall we indeed accept good from God, and shall we not accept adversity?

I had sort of a rough day. I've had a lot of stomach pain for the last 3 days, and today, as I was driving home from dropping off friends at the airport (I had been unable to eat lunch with them because I couldn't take anything in), I found myself praying and heard myself asking God, "Why won't You help me? Why won't You help me?" Almost like I was asking Him, "Don't You care?" Those words were heavy words. The hung in my mind as I considered what they revealed about me:

my help
©6-1-10 hannah mclean

i listen to the words
that ring from my lips
in desperation
the sound of pleading pain
reverberating like a string
strummed too hard
“why won’t You help me?
why won’t You help me?”

they roll through my mind
and fall
with great
heaviness
upon my fainting spirit

but self pity does not ensue
instead i find myself exposed
doubting once again
the heart of God
for me

inside my mind
recalled blessings remind
lilies opening--displaying vibrant beauty
familiar faces--proclaiming Your faithfulness
love accepted--with undeserved marveling
cup overflowing

shall i accept good from the hand of God
and not adversity?
shall i sacrifice the blessing of suffering
in pursuit of comfort?
shall i crumble beneath burdens
to be laid at Jesus’ feet?

my cries may echo
“why won’t You help me?
why won’t You help me?”
but they are met by Your response
“I AM
and I want so much more for you.”


Job 2:9–10 "Then his wife said to him, “Do you still hold fast to your integrity? Curse God and die!” But he said to her, “You speak as one of the foolish women speaks. Shall we indeed accept good from God, and shall we not accept adversity?” In all this Job did not sin with his lips."

May the reality of God's heart for me never fail to penetrate my doubt.

picture: the eagle's pride

Here is the picture that the Lord gave me: It looked like a political cartoon, there is a beautiful city abounding with blessing and the Lord is at the center. But the people push Him away from this place, and as they shove Him to remove Him, the picture crumbles and dispels behind them so they cannot go back because there is nothing to return to.

the eagle’s pride
©5-27-10 hannah mclean

stars and stripes,
how you have soared at heights like the eagle
a nation once abounding with blessing
centered on the Lord
but the pride of your heart has deceived you
for you push away
the Blesser, the Giver, the Keeper, the King

this land of rich blessing
crumbles behind you
as you show your Savior the door

do not be surprised
to find when you seek to return
that you cannot go back
to find that blessing no more abounds
amid stars and stripes
to find that your wings grow tired
and heights become depths
for such is the ruin that comes
when you remove
the Blesser, the Giver, the Keeper, the King

o Lord, have mercy
may the removers fail to
move You

"...that you may have strength to comprehend..." Ephesians 3:14-21

strength to receive
©5-8-10 hannah mclean

“resounding
abounding
I come to you”

full fledged light from Your face fills mine
the intensity of Your light
burns my skin
You are too much
clouds gently release me

strengthen me to receive You
expand me so Your fullness doesn’t destroy
i long for unhindered beams of Your glory
i desire to take You in
i reach for You
resounding
abounding
You come to me
i relish Your light

and every time i must close my eyes
i lament my weakness as
i ask for the strength to receive

Ephesians: Song 1

©5-4-10 Hannah McLean

Chorus:
You lavish the riches of Your grace
flowing with favor from Your face
as You turn to us and shine on us

Your plans for the fullness of time
expand for the fullness of man
Father of Glory, we bow our knees

Verse 1:
There are dimensions to Your glory
that even angels long to see
but it’s the unveiled eyes of man
that behold the mystery of Your plan

Verse 2:
Chosen to be Your children
before the world would be
Brought near to You, Father
by the blood Christ shed for me
Blessed in the Beloved
by the riches of our Lord
Receiving every promise
by the Spirit in the Word

Chorus

You wash over me

Isaiah 41:10 Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

waves of grace
©4-15-10 hannah mclean

i writhe
fears bombard me
pain permeates from within
weakness wilts my countenance
i am overwhelmed
i am overwhelmed

but Your comfort leaps from the page
as i read Your Word
“fear not, for I am with you
be not dismayed, for I am your God...”
i close my eyes and
speak Your truth
“I will strengthen you
I will help you...”
i open my mouth and
sing Your promises
listening to the tune
that rolls from my lips
“I will uphold you with
My righteous right hand”

and i feel You with me
i feel You with me
could there be a greater joy?
You wash over me

You wash over me
with waves of grace
waves to wipe away my fears
waves to soothe away my pain
waves to cover me with strength

no longer overwhelmed by burden
that buries
but overwhelmed by gratitude
that carries
restored and uplifted
i sing your praise

setting aside what may eclipse

running into the Son
©4-10-10 hannah mclean

You are the sun shining
in the sky above me
Your gentle rays
caress my face
Your warmth revives
and nourishes me
Your brightness
delights my eyes

Jesus
may i never allow
anything to eclipse You
quench the darkness
of my shadows
as i run into You

oh, for the day
oh, for the day
i will see You fully

You will forever be
the Son shining
the sun no longer needed
Your glory will beam
with supernatural light
casting no shadows
as You encompass

mourning to dancing
i run into You

fragile

may i suffer well
©4-5-10 hannah mclean

frail
fragile
what is in me
nearly breaks me
but You

You knit me together
formed in my mother’s womb
by sovereign hands

i am created by You
set apart by You
known by You

You hold me together
hemmed in on every side
by almighty strength

i am filled by You
empowered by You
kept by You

i am in awe of
Your delicate touch
Your controlled mercies
Your measured grace

frail
fragile
what is in me
nearly breaks me
but You

may the promises
that You have made
sustain me

burdens cast, carry
fears submitted, deliver
weakness acknowledged, strengthen
pain expressed, comfort

desperation
magnifying need
magnifying Faithfulness
magnifying Worth

Jesus

You said
“to the least of these
is to Me”

Your cross is enough

i do not wish
this cup
but if it will bring You glory
may i suffer well

today is good friday.

John 19:14–15 Now it was the day of Preparation of the Passover. It was about the sixth hour. He said to the Jews, “Behold your King!” They cried out, “Away with him, away with him, crucify him!” Pilate said to them, “Shall I crucify your King?” The chief priests answered, “We have no king but Caesar.”

Ezekiel 20:44 “And you shall know that I am the LORD, when I deal with you for My name’s sake, not according to your evil ways, nor according to your corrupt deeds, O house of Israel,” declares the Lord GOD.

Deity disdained
©4-2-10 hannah mclean

“shall i crucify your King?”
the silence that hangs
in the air
before I can continue reading
i imagine must be
louder than
the shouts that followed
pilate’s words:
“we have no king.
crucify Him.”

i imagine the robe of purple
blood-soaked royalty
adorned

i imagine the twisted crown of thorns
running with lines of scarlet
bejeweled

the words
echo through my mind
filling every corner:
“shall i crucify your King?”
“we have no king. crucify Him.”

Deity disdained
crushed beneath the weight of
a criminal’s cross

oh, Your ways, King Jesus
i cannot take in
stripped of dignity
You hang
humbled in my place

absorbing wrath
honored only in
Your Father’s eyes

i remember Your words
in Ezekiel:
“I will deal with you
for My name’s sake
not according to your evil ways
and you will know
that I am God.”

Your words are fulfilled
with me

thank You, King Jesus
bowing
i behold You

"On every side the wicked prowl, as vileness is exalted among the children of man." Psalm 12:8

Philippians 2:5–10 Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though He was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made Himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. Therefore God has highly exalted Him and bestowed on Him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.

overruled
©3-26-10 hannah mclean

your affirmation
does not overrule
judgment
your denial of truth
does not overrule
reality
your flattering lips boast
and taunt
you uphold evil as
your scepter
on your self-made throne

how long will you turn
your back?
how long will you kneel
to kiss your own shadow?
dirt falls from your lips
and your hands
you are stained by
your idolatry

there is a King
but it is not you
His rule
overrules and
rules over
you

A Spring journal entry

I love to pray. Conversing with the Lord is one of my favorite things. Interceding for others is one of my greatest privileges. Time on my knees is time well spent. But lately I have found that when I come to the Lord to pray for myself, I often don’t know how to articulate what I need.

It is ok, mind you, that I am clueless and short of words. Isaiah 65:24 says, “Before they call I will answer; while they are yet speaking I will hear.” Or, in other words, He knows my need before I ask and responds to the cry of my heart before it makes it to my lips. Today, I was grateful not only for this truth of God’s provision, but also for the one need of mine which I always know with certainty: I need God...I need my Jesus. Because that is all I know, I continually find myself on my face before His throne of grace...with or without words.

As I sat today with the Lord, I thought again of the verse from Psalm 81:10 that He had given me several weeks ago during a time of prayer where HE interceded for me. “Open wide your mouth and I will fill it.” As I considered this verse and the reality that I didn’t know what I was asking for--I simply desired to be filled by Him--to my mind came the picture of a baby bird.

The baby bird sits in the nest; it cannot yet fly because its wings would surely fail; it waits for its mother, who brings all it needs to be nourished as the baby bird expectantly sits with its mouth open wide. The mother knows what the baby bird needs; it cannot ask, but she knows when her child is hungry and what it needs to receive; she gathers for her own and provides for the unarticulated cravings of her young.

At this time in my life, I am God’s baby bird. I rest in the nest where He has set me with my mouth wide open, joyfully receiving all that I need from His own hand.

picture: prisoners

Here is the picture God gave me: I saw chains, so many chains. Some were buried, some were painted so they looked pretty, some were set aside, some were covered, some were twisted into other shapes, some stiff and rusted. So many chains and none of them were loosed.

prisoners
©3-19-10 hannah mclean

chains surround me
heaps and piles
thick and heavy
iron and steel

i see the chains
i see the ones that have been buried
bumping from beneath the dirt
i see the ones that have been painted
rainbows and butterflies to beautify
i see the ones that have been ignored
pushed aside so as to not block the view
i see the ones that have been covered
outlined beneath silky fabrics
i see the ones that have been modified
with links arranged into something new
i see the chains

buried
disguised
ignored
covered
modified
but never loosed

i lift my voice and shout
“you are not free”

i whisper as i weep
“you are not free”

o Jesus
break the chains
only You can free these
prisoners

picture: as He heals

Here is the picture God gave me: There is a person whose body is covered in cracks. Out of the cracks pour shining beams of bright light. The light wraps around the body, and heals it, making it whole. And the light now pours from their mouth.

as He heals
©3-19-10 hannah mclean

sometimes there are
no words
and Your redemption
pours not from my lips
but from my wounds

Your mercies spill
from the cracks of this broken vessel
with shining radiance

Your light surrounds me
binding
healing
making new

and when the words
do come
they capture your beauty
and ring with power
as they testify of Your work

the joy set before us.

Sometimes I have a difficult time observing the world around me. I see a frightening momentum to sin and its effects. Sometimes I am bombarded by the crescendo of brokenness. But, what a gift to be reminded...yes, the devil may be working, but God is also working. This week I have been hearing reports of His mighty hand at work; There is growth happening, there are lives being transformed by Him, there is joy overflowing for Him, there is worship being lifted from new lips and old lips. Oh what a gift and such an encouragement! All praise to my worthy God!

worth ALL
©3-3-10 hannah mclean

oh, the sights delight
brightly beams Your beauty
through the mesh
fruit in lives abound
proving and approving Your hand’s work
seeing this perseverance
is worth ALL

oh, the sounds resound
praises peal from loosed tongues
piercing the clamor
testimonies echo from the heights
and raise from the dust
hearing this worship
is worth ALL

observing Your radiance
amid the brokenness
darkness shattering in the
presence of unmatched light
wounds healing in the
reconciliation of fallen man
for joy i persevere
for joy i persevere
Your holiness and love
make ALL worth bearing

lifted with the harmony around me
i see You clearer
i hear You nearer
i feel You dearer

beholding Your greatness
is worth ALL

walking through life with open eyes

observing too much
©2-27-10 hannah mclean

my eyes cannot
my mind cannot
my heart cannot
it is too much

pain crescendos
tears cascade

i cannot close my eyes
because You want me to see
i cannot close my mind
because You want me to know
I cannot close my heart
because You want me to feel

i find myself before You
with a plea
“come, Lord Jesus,
i cannot bear to watch”

it is too much

clinging to You
i find that
Your eyes protect mine
Your mind surrounds mine
Your heart soothes mine
it is too much
but You are more

Christ's Freedom

Corinthians 6:4–12 “But as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: by great endurance, in afflictions, hardships, calamities, beatings, imprisonments, riots, labors, sleepless nights, hunger; by purity, knowledge, patience, kindness, the Holy Spirit, genuine love; by truthful speech, and the power of God; with the weapons of righteousness for the right hand and for the left; through honor and dishonor, through slander and praise. We are treated as impostors, and yet are true; as unknown, and yet well known; as dying, and behold, we live; as punished, and yet not killed; as sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; as poor, yet making many rich; as having nothing, yet possessing everything. We have spoken freely to you, Corinthians; our heart is wide open. You are not restricted by us, but you are restricted in your own affections.”

As I’ve been reading the Word lately, the passages that have struck me with great intensity have displayed immense freedom from man. As a general rule, I believe we have a human desire to please, to be affirmed and to be approved of. But as I read these passages, I see that this desire has most often been misplaced. We desire to please each other, to be affirmed and approved of by our fellow man, when this desire should instead first fall on the Lord.

Oh, to please the Lord! To be affirmed and approved of by Him!

This difference is immense and the results are infinite. When we are bound to the opinions of man, we are susceptible to the whims of sinful minds and hearts. We are fallen men and women with fallible morals and character. But on the flip side, when this human desire is rightly placed on honoring our Creator, we find a beautiful freedom. Freedom from man means freedom to live for God.

This freedom was painted to perfection in the man of Christ. Consider this passage from Isaiah, where there is a description of Christ on the night He was betrayed and wrongfully condemned to death. Isaiah 50:6–7: “I gave my back to those who strike, and my cheeks to those who pull out the beard; I hid not my face from disgrace and spitting. But the Lord God helped me, therefore I have not been disgraced; therefore I have set my face like a flint, and I know that I shall not be put to shame.” This passage literally made me crumple as through my mind flashed passages and pictures of what Christ went through. He was taken in the night by an army of soldiers, put in chains and dragged before a panel of judges for a facade of a trial in which He was falsely accused, mocked, spit upon, beaten, taunted and tormented. He was brought before Pilate and Herod for the purpose of being sentenced to die as a criminal. He was beaten to such an extent that Pilate had to remind himself that He was a man. He was ridiculed, stripped and put on display as a bleeding “king” for all to see. His kingship was jeered at and sneered at as soldiers pretended to bow to Him as they tortured Him. He was paraded through the streets on the way to the hill of Calvary, to which His weak body couldn’t even carry His own cross. He had nails pounded through His hands and feet and was lifted high above the heads of every bystander so all could see His shame. The voices surrounding Him denied His holiness, His purpose and His power...even the thief dying beside Him looked on Him with disbelief and disgust. Every device and plan that man could think of to shame our heavenly King in earthly form was used against Him. And yet, He said, “But the Lord God helped me, therefore I have not been disgraced.”

Even on the cross, He stood above all the shame and disgrace that man could muster.

I thought about Christ’s words and His lack of words. Like a lamb he was led to the slaughter, as a sheep before its shearer is silent, He opened not His mouth (Acts 8:32–35). I thought of where I would feel the most pain throughout this ordeal...would the pinnacle of pain that caused me to cry out have been when tortured with Pilate? Would it have been when the first nail pierced my flesh? Would have been when the force of the cross fell into the hole leaving me upright? I can’t imagine. And yet, I considered Christ and what caused Him to cry out. His words were, “Eloi, Eloi, lema sabachthani? (My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?)” In all of the physical, mental and emotional pain poured on Him, the real pain as He forged through hell to heaven was the separation from His Father as He became sin and a curse, absorbing the judgment and wrath that was rightfully ours.

He came to die, His purpose was to lay His life down for us. The passage in Isaiah says that the Lord helped Him fulfill His will for Him. In John 10:17–18, Jesus declared that no one could take His life from Him, only He could lay it down and only He could take it up again. He willingly walked with the soldiers out of the Garden of Gethsemane, He let them put Him in chains. He stood before the high priest through a fake trial because He chose to. He allowed Pilate’s men to beat him and took the blows as His blood poured out onto the ground because He had a greater purpose to His life. He climbed up onto the cross to die for the sins of the world because He loved the world and wished to reconcile it to Himself. He died on the cross because He wanted to give us life.

I think of Hebrews 12:2–3, where it says, “Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.”

Jesus had perfect freedom from man, and therefore, complete freedom to live for the Lord.

The passage from 2 Corinthians (above), paints a lovely picture of Paul’s freedom in Christ. Walking in the fruits of the Spirit, in the Lord’s leading, he lived free from the world around him. He walked in truth and peace with boldness, knowing he possessed eternal reward.

Lord, may I walk before You in the freedom You have provided through Christ. May my life be free from the opinions of man, and may I walk in Your ways with boldness. May my eyes be fixed on the joy set before me, and may I never forget that You are that joy and the purpose for which I live. In the name of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, I pray, Amen.

Click here to read last Lenten season's thoughts on Christ's Kingship

ash wednesday contemplations

making You Lord
©2-17-10 hannah mclean

it is a fearful thing
to look inside of me
darkness as of soot
i’m sure to find
i would surely rather
close my eyes then
see these ashes

so much easier to hide
from what’s inside
to plead blind
to what i’d find

donning humility with fear
i ask
shed light
give sight

i’ve transgressions in measure
to multitudes of Your mercies
thorough washing i ask for
purge that i may be free
marveling i wonder
how can You stand
to look
when even i am prone to
turn my face

You have told me
to tear down my idols
for You
i have not complied
forgive me for the altars i have
left standing
pretending to be helpless
when You have given what is needed
to destroy with my own hand
when i have obeyed
You will know i’ve made You Lord

may my knees bow only
to You

Father,
against You only
have i sinned
and so before You alone
i come in ashes
to be washed white as snow
soot to wool
Christ in full

fallen man in the devil’s hold
a desperate soul
nothing to satan do You owe
purchased pardon from the Father
flows through Your wounds

i was
but You were greater
i am
and You are greater
i will be
for You will be greater still

mercy reigns, my King
love adorns, my God
grace beautifies, my Lord

beauty for ashes
i am Yours

the Spirit intercedes

Psalm 81:10 I am the Lord your God, Who brought you out of the land of Egypt; Open your mouth wide, and I will fill it.

Psalm 84 How lovely is Your tabernacle, O Lord of hosts! My soul longs, yes, even faints for the courts of the Lord; My heart and my flesh cry out for the living God. Even the sparrow has found a home, and the swallow a nest for herself, where she may lay her young—Even Your altars, O Lord of hosts, My King and my God. Blessed are those who dwell in Your house; they will still be praising You. Selah. Blessed is the man whose strength is in You, whose heart is set on pilgrimage. As they pass through the Valley of Baca, they make it a spring; the rain also covers it with pools. They go from strength to strength; each one appears before God in Zion. O Lord God of hosts, hear my prayer; Give ear, O God of Jacob! Selah. O God, behold our shield, and look upon the face of Your anointed. For a day in Your courts is better than a thousand. I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of wickedness. For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord will give grace and glory; no good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly. O Lord of hosts, Blessed is the man who trusts in You!

irresistible prayer
©2-16-10 hannah mclean

irresistibly pulled to pray
i kneel before You
head bowed

why have You brought me here?
what words do You wish to hear
from my lips?

in my prostrate place
i find my hands lay open and
tears roll down my forehead
as with a silent tongue
my heart overflows with prayer

deep wrenching of my inner being
the Spirit intercedes for me
and i am filled

Your book is before me
inside, a promise
“open wide your mouth and
I will fill it”
and as i read
Your words unfold to reveal
beautiful depth and
satisfying life

i stand beside my Shield
and invite You in
unafraid to show You my desperate need
knowing i am Yours
set apart with a Seal

grateful to be brought before You
i silently worship

Savior, like a shepherd lead us

John 15:5 “I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in Me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing.”

Exodus 33:15 And [Moses] said to Him, “If Your presence will not go with me, do not bring us up from here.”

not without You
©2-12-10 hannah mclean

i plead
with my Shepherd, “lead”
i have wandered
from You and squandered
what is Yours too many times
through my mind
flows words
i have heard:
“i can do nothing apart”
“do not send me without”
i cannot yet see
Your will for me
i cannot yet hear
Lord, appear
with faith i will wait
helpless in state
unwilling to stand
lest Your hand
lifts
sift
my desires till those that contaminate
dissipate
till those that magnify
me pacify
Lord, shake
me till those that take
from You fall
You deserve ALL
so i will stay
till You show the way
that will not compromise
Your prize:
glorious fame
for Your worthy name
till You open a door
i will kneel before
You and plead
with my Shepherd, “lead”